if you guys haven't seen this yet, watch it.

[v.lossity]

My personal opinion on the matter: Im not depressed, so Im not one to judge.

However, I do wonder: it seems like bullying/depression/suicide/etc wasnt such a big problem a few decades ago. I wonder, is this due to changes in our society's awareness, or changes in people's mental condition, or perhaps something else?

[soup2504]

You know what? That's another thing that really bugs me, when people loath and hate themselves for no reason. Snap out of it man, you already said you don't know why so there must not be a reason.

I sure wish it was that easy.

I don't feel like going back and quoting what you said because I literally just woke up a few minutes ago, but come on. The comment about people cutting themselves or whatnot simply for "attention". Yeah, some people might do that, but hey, here's an inside scoop... Most people don't do it for attention! I used to be one of those people that always said "stop cutting yourself for attention, you're all disgusting." and "Don't cut yourself! People love you!". It wasn't until I started cutting (a couple months ago, actually) that I realized it's NOT something you can just observe from a distance and understand it completely. It's almost impossible to correctly explain why people do it, and it's very hard to understand why people do it if you're not in their situation. Doing it for attention? Yeah. That's exactly why I cringe at the thought of people seeing my scars, that's the exact reason I do it on an area most people won't look, that's why I try very hard to make sure people don't see my scars; Because I want attention, obviously.

On the topic of not knowing why you hate yourself being "stupid", listen here, bud. When I started hating myself, I could never figure out why, but I always knew there was a reason; I just wasn't fully aware of that reason yet, or I was trying desperately to block it out. Over time, I figured out why I hate myself! Because I was taught by my own fucking family members to hate myself for who I am, hate myself for not being the same as them, hate myself for being the reason my father died, hate myself for being too picky and underweight, for speaking my mind, for disliking certain people, for having a "whore" mother, for being an accident, for being quiet, for being shy, for being lazy, for being "the stupidest fucking kid I've set my eyes on", etc. Ever since my father died after trying to save me from a rip current, my family took their anger out on me. I was their fucking punching bag (but I wasn't physically abused, so don't worry about the use of "punching bag", haha). My mother was the only one, and still is the only one that supports me. Recently, my grandmother kicked me out of her life, and with that being said, the only person in my family that truly cares about me is my own mother. I have no one else in the family I can talk to, because they've all been manipulated into thinking I am the reason the world is a terrible place. You know, after hearing these things so many times, I've started to truly believe them to the point that I can't even look at myself and go "HAha, that's not true!", and thus, I have started hating myself because I've been manipulated into believing it. It's what they fucking wanted, and seeing how I was 8 years old when my father died (and that's when my family started to hate me), these things have been imprinted into my brain since a very young age, and I just can't get rid of them. My family seems to believe my mother is the "bad" one in the family, but in reality, she's the only one that actually uses logic to back her up. I've gotten into so many arguments with family members, and every time I pointed out their logical fallacies, they would always resort to the "Oh you're just a kid, you don't know what you're talking about." bullshit stupid fucking excuse. My grandmother is a manipulative bitch that will do anything she can to get people to do her dirty work, to get people on her side, and to make herself feel like she's on top of the world. You should've seen the faces she would make when I would point out how stupid she sounded and how she's being completely illogical. Oh man, it was so fucking satisfying. One of her daughters is an abusive fear control freak (she was the first one that purged me from her life). She abused her son and thought it was oh so fucking hilarious when she would go to give him a high-five and he would flinch in fear that she was going to hit him. She loves to invoke fear into other people so she can gain control over them, and she wants to be to only person in the world who can succeed, and when she sees someone getting ahead of her, she'll make sure they're removed from her life, which is exactly what happened to me. My uncle has drinking problems, but he's a good father; much better than his wife. He isn't a bad person, but he was always a bit rough with me when I would go to Pennsylvania to see him. Regardless, he's probably the only sane person in this family other than my mother, but due to my grandmother and everyone else, he refuses to talk to me. My other aunt, haha, what a fucking idiot. She's always calling my mother a "bad influence" and a "terrible mother", but I mean, let's just take a fucking look at her and her kids. She's the one that let her husband throw her through a glass door and abuse her, she's the one that stayed with him after he cheated on her multiple times, she's the one that abused her children. She has a daughter who suffers from depression, got pregnant at age 16, and and wishes nothing to do with her own mother. She has a son who hates her, and a daughter that's probably going to end up killing herself in her late teens, as much as I hate to admit it...

Combine these people together, make them all hate me, and you have one giant fucking ball of stupid white trash rolling straight towards me to take their anger out on.

I've been taught to hate myself at a young age, and it's too late to look at myself now and say "haha they're wrong", because I've started to sincerely believe everything they've said to me. I can't simply "Get over it", and I don't think many people can, so please shut the hell up next time you want to say "lol just get over it"; It's not that fucking easy.

Also, keep in mind that this is barely even a fraction of my story; the rest is a bit too personal to tell to people I haven't exactly bonded to. I'm a fucking mess.

[TranquilHooves]

/thread

[itroitnyah]

Damn dude, that's one hell of a story, which makes me wonder... If you know they're wrong, and admit that you know they're completely wrong, why do you believe them?

[soup2504]

Damn dude, that's one hell of a story, which makes me wonder... If you know they're wrong, and admit that you know they're completely wrong, why do you believe them?

It's not something I know how to explain well, but some of the things they said are in fact true, but the way they used it against me was just wrong. I WAS the reason my dad died, because I decided to go out into the ocean with this other kid and his father, I AM too picky and underweight (I weigh 105 pounds........), I am lazy, I am quiet, I am shy, etc. They always constantly degraded me and pointed these things out to me, and I learned to hate myself for these things. There's more to it than just that, but like I said, I don't know how to explain it very well :L It sounds like something that would be easy to get over, but it really isn't, because it has been like this since a very young age up until a couple weeks ago. Also, remember, it said at the end that this isn't even a fraction of my story.

[itroitnyah]

Hm. Well, I'm sorry to hear about that, and the loss of your dad. Hopefully you'll get over it sooner than later. Just feel free to come onto here or add any of us on skype whenever you need to chat or get something off your mind and we'll be here for you.

[Ed Viper]

Wow. Things really blew up while I wasn't monitoring this thread. As someone with depression, I have a few things to say.

Now, I'm not gonna go after those who said to get over your depression, blah blah blah all that stuff. But, there are a few things that need to be cleared up.

1. The stuff people said about "snapping out of it" - now, it's all cool if you have your opinions and stuff, but lemme lay this on you real quick. If you think that way, keep it to yourself, or within a small circle of friends. That kind of talk does nothing to prevent suicide, but instead encourages it. Depressed people refrain from absolutes and commands, so when speaking to one who's having a tough time, pick your words wisely.

2. Mental conditioning is a tricky, yet very serious, thing. As soup was saying, he knows (quite rightly, I might add), that his family is wrong - but he still hates himself. Being told the same thing over and over again by your family (the people who are supposed to love you most) is a big force in shaping a child's self-image. It's hard to remember much of anything from before the age of 6, so since this started at 8 (if I remember correctly) for soup, then for the most part, he's been told to hate himself for as long as he can remember. This takes a long, LONG time to get over. It's not something that can just be "snapped out of".

I dunno. Just a few thoughts on the matter.

Seriously though, if you are depressed, don't keep it to yourself. I know it's not the easiest thing to talk about, but keeping that burden to yourself is no way to go through life. If you're feeling down, talk to a close friend about it. If for whatever reason you don't want to/can't tell your friends, feel free to message me on Skype at any time - my door's always open.

[Nine Volt]

Honestly, does everyone here have depression? Jesus christ, that's like 5 people in this thread alone.

[Ed Viper]

Honestly, does everyone here have depression? Jesus christ, that's like 5 people in this thread alone.

Birds of a feather flock together.

But I do actually have a relatively minor case of depression. I can shrug it off most days. About once a month it really hits me, but that's about it.

A lot of people confuse depression with teenage angst as well.

[ph00tbag]

I wouldn't be surprised if a large number of the people on this board struggled with some degree of anxiety, depression, manic depression, ADHD, ASD, schizophrenia, alcoholism or OCD, or any combination of the above.

Historically, chemical imbalance has gone with the territory of the artistically inclined.

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

I have bouts of depression, human nature if anything, I also have aspergers syndrome.

[topitmunkeydog]

Okay, so I just watched the video and read all you have to say. I am very riveted. That video was jarring and so are your stories. As one who has never had any sort of depression, I can't really say what it's like (I was bullied a lot in elementary school but I really didn't care). But seriously, hugs out to all of you guys. Of course I am aware that things like this do happen, but hearing all these stories firsthand from you guys really touched me. I deeply regret that I cannot offer any advice for you except to never give up.
Also, I don't believe suicide is a cowardly act, but I do believe it is essentially giving up. Giving up on life, even. If you ever think about that, please hope that things will get better.

[Lying Pink]

make that 6

*7

Had depression and anxiety throughout high school. The depression comes back now and again; the anxiety is usually there in the background, but less than it was. Know a few others who've had similar problems. It sucks :/

Out of curiosity (and apologies if this is derailing a little too much) -- there are (and have been) lots of albums/projects on MLR created to help a bunch of different causes - does anyone recall if there've been any to help people with depression/in aid of a depression or mental health charity like the Depression Alliance or Mind? I did a brief search of the challenges/contents/events subforum and found nothing.

A lot of people confuse depression with teenage angst as well.

So much this. When I was... 16? 17 maybe? I told a doctor that I thought I had depression. Didn't ask me for details, didn't give me that depression test they use, just said "no you don't, you're just a teenager." If that isn't a direct quote then it's damn close.

[topitmunkeydog]

I would love to help out with the album. Just recently learned that my sister has been struggliing with it for a while and thus it has greatly affected my family. If someone starts that project I would totally contribute some music (not screamo, I can't do that )

[Lying Pink]

Just recently learned that my sister has been struggliing with it for a while and thus it has greatly affected my family.

Yeah, I saw your posts on one of the other threads about that. Sorry to hear it Hope she gets through it and gets the help she needs.

I would love to help out with the album. [...] If someone starts that project I would totally contribute some music (not screamo, I can't do that )

If anyone else responds positively to the idea, I'll start a thread on the projects board. Unless someone beats me to it

[ghelded_kultz]

I'll help with the album (I love charity!) but that's only if the other people working on the album let me.

[ExoBassTix]

*8...

Growing up wasn't totally easy for me (even though I have read stories in this thread that are way more awful), too (Is this where I'm going, seriously? Going to explain why I have had trouble?). I've been ... well, bullied on primary school for 7 years (I'm not going to try and explain this in a way that Americans understand, differences between education systems are stupid). Mainly excluded by the group, ignored at all time, because I was different. I am gifted with an IQ of 145 (if you're going to complain about me bragging about this, please understand that having a higher IQ doesn't have to mean anything - I have no reason to brag about it). I thought in an entirely different way. Some things I did way easier than others in my class, and some things troubled me much more than them. I wasn't understood, and therefore disregarded.

Okay, enough about me. Now about me trying to be a helping hand here.
I know from personal experience that depression is not necessarily easy to get over - but I think that's not a secret around here. There are ways to get past it, though. It's easier if there's someone in your surrounding to help you with it (especially if that person helps through own experience - meaning that person got past depression him/herself as well), but I'll have to do it this way.

Depression is mainly caused by not being accepted, having a disability of sorts, or just not being good at something that has a major impact on your life. Focus on something you -are- good at, or on something that makes you happy. To help you suppress the depression with happiness (this sounds perfectly stupid in my opinion). I'll give you an example of myself (do know that I had only mild depression (even though it led to several thousands of thoughts of committing suicide)).

In times that I felt down, whether be it by being neglected, or having had severe trouble with something important in life (I might further explain this below), I might have gotten stuck in bad thoughts for a little while, but every time I managed to snap out of it, and fill my head with happy thoughts. Of course forcing them upon myself isn't easy, but for that I got a tool that makes me feel like life has meaning again: music.

I'll go into a detail a bit more (do know that I expect myself to totally diverge from the subject at some point). I have the uncanny ability of not being able to make a simple summary, to plan a simple afternoon with homework, to write an essay however short, on my own. Do know that I'm not asking for compassion here (I know that it sounds like that). I'm also not going to explain further what this problem exactly is, because whatever I could (and would) say about it consists fully out of assumptions and things I believe that are true, but that I can't prove. But anyways, I personally can't get over these mistakes. It seems so ... pathetic that I can't do such a simple thing. Especially when I see my two best friends in front of me writing away at light-speed at one of said sort of assignments. When they try to help me (really, if one of my friends that I'm talking about reads this, thank you from the bottom of my heart) I feel so stupid, it really brings me in a state of "I can't do anything right".
This situation mainly occurs on school, and most of the time (somehow) in the last period.
After school I have to cycle homewards for 14 kilometres, and thus have music on my head during the ride. Somehow I immediately don't give a fuck anymore, and I am full of positive energy again.

Now here's what you should do if you don't know what the thing is that makes you truly happy:
Talk with friends, try new stuff, talk with people that know what you're going through. Just keep on communicating with others. They'll help you through it all. In time...



Okay whatever I'll say it anyways. I'm 14 years old as of me writing this.