first attempt at writing lyrics thoughts?

[Facade]

so im not the most expert lyrics writer ever XD but i decided i need to do something to keep my music alive also what are some good text to speech programs as i dont have a good high quality mic to sing into
http://soundcloud.com/petfood56/ponys-at-the-rave
lyrics:
hello people whats your name
get ready to exclaim
all of this pony fame
just hope it doesnt go down the drain
walk into the rave
trying to be brave
turn that pony track on
hope they dont give you yawns



UPDATE: version 2

http://soundcloud.com/petfood56/ponies-at-the-rave-v2

re wrote the lyrics a little :

hello people whats your name
get ready to exclaim
all of this pony fame
just hope it doesnt drain
walk into the rave
trying to be brave
turn that pony track on
hope they dont give you yawns

[SeanNH94]

Personally I think you need a clearer vocoder. I can't really tell what you're saying.
The lyrics seem fine, if you use them in a song right. It all depends on the timing, really. The only thing is it seems to me the number of syllables in each line varies a lot.

[Facade]

i blame microsoft anna XD
ive gotta alot clearer stuff from random vocals i was messing around with
i just need a good microphone whats a good one for under 40$ cause thats all i have right now

[SuperGiantRobot]

Yeah, it's kinda drowned out.

But at least you're aware of that, so...

[Facade]

i updated it lol try that one

[SuperGiantRobot]

Much better. I'm not a musician, but the first one the vocoder was so deep you couldn't make out anything. A higher pitch definitely helps.

[Facade]

Much better. I'm not a musician, but the first one the vocoder was so deep you couldn't make out anything. A higher pitch definitely helps.

thought so thanks for your feed back ^.^