The hugging/venting thread

[Trillionage]

The way i made tabs with guitar pro was using the shortcuts. Guitar pro is the most easy to use program of the lot, you can just put them as regular score and it will translate it to tabs. If you have a usb joypad you can use something like joy2key and xpadder and set up the buttons to the most important keys. Also you can try exporting it as midi, but it won't really work since it can screw up the dynamics and triplets.

[LunchBagMusic]

It probably doesn't help, but sibelius has a tab function as well. You can notate it regularly and then copypaste across.

[Trillionage]

I had to get a pylonidal (or however the hell it spelled) cyst drained today and now i'm practically in house arrest with a big pain in my ass (literally). I wouldn't be so annoyed with that if my mother weren't coming from abroad for three weeks. I was really looking forward to ride bike with her, but now because of the cyst, i not only can't ride bike with her, but i'll be spending at least two weeks going to the doctor to get a drain changed as well as completely limited in everything i can do.

[Magnitude Zero]

Well. I've had an interesting hour. Pardon me if there are typos, I'm still a little shaky. A lot shaky, actually.

So, for the past week or so I've been riding a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Mood swings. Lots of 'em. Extreme highs to extreme lows in mere minutes, or sometimes in days. I've also been having some very strange dreams, often consisting of very strong emotions for very trivial reasons. Last night, for example, I dreamed that I lost to my friend in a chess game, spent the rest of the dream creating a fairly elaborate revenge scheme consisting of feeding him coffee poisoned with laxatives and human feces, brewed to the sound of Vinyl Scratch rapping about it (kinda like the Cupcakes song, only... um... yeah). Anyway, woke up this morning feeling normal, had a laugh about it. I've had weird dreams all my life, and while this one was a bit more "out there" than normal, it was really nothing new.

Had a fairly normal day. Fixed my computer with some help from my father's ingenuity, so I was pretty happy about that. Screwed around in FL Studio, not really trying to make anything, just glad to have it back. Still, ended up going to bed slightly disappointed that nothing came of my experimentation. Well, trying to go to bed.

As a result of my mood swings, I've been treating some of my friends like shit lately. Feeling slightly guilty, I apologized to one over Skype before heading off to bed, and he accepted it without question like a bro because friendship is fucking magic. As heartwarming as that was, I still felt a little guilty and, coupled with that slight disappointment, was feeling a little down.

I mentioned mood swings, several times, and I mentioned that they were bad. In case you don't believe me, this next part of my little story is a pretty good example (although this one was quite a bit on the drastic side).

Suddenly I was having suicidal thoughts. And I couldn't stop them. It was scaring the shit out of me. I thought I was losing it. I felt like I was going to vomit. I got up and walked outside to look at the stars (it was a bit past midnight at this point, about two hours ago). This usually calms me down, replacing any negative feelings I have with awe and all-around serenity. I must've been sitting outside for two minutes before it hit me.

Anxiety. The worst anxiety I've ever felt, and I've had some pretty bad panic attacks. But this was by far the worst. I got up, walked inside, curled up on the couch, waiting for it to pass like I normally do. It didn't pass. It got worse. So much worse. Anxiety turned to full-on terror and paranoia. I began losing my grip on reality. Curled up on that couch, nothing covering me, I felt so exposed and vulnerable. I was shaking uncontrollably. I'm not sure if I've ever been that terrified in my life.

I feel I need to elaborate a bit on the paranoia. At one point, maybe fifteen minutes into it, my cat walked over to me and just sat on the floor, looking up at me. This is something she does all the time. She's the sweetest, most tame cat you could possibly ask for, and would never hurt you unless you absolutely deserve it. And she was looking at me. And it was scaring the shit out of me. I wanted her to stop, but I was still thinking rationally enough to not physically harm her or anything like that. A few minutes later, the shaking suddenly stopped. My first thought was that my body was shutting down, that I was dying. I wanted the shaking to come back, because the shaking meant I was alive. The shaking came back and I was relieved, but still scared out of my fucking mind.

Throughout the... experience, I was talking to my friend over Skype mobile IM. The same one that I'd apologized to maybe an hour earlier at most. I'm not sure if he was the only thing keeping me connected to reality, but I'm damn glad he was there (friendship is fucking magic). Eventually he convinced me to start thinking logically. I deduced that there was really no reason for me to be scared or anxious, and nothing was out to get me. I managed to calm down enough to get it and head downstairs to explain to my mother. For the first time ever, I blurted out all the depression and suicidal thoughts and mood swings to anyone except my closest friends. I have a very closed sort of personality, and the fact that I'm able to type this thing out without too much embarrassment is probably due to the... shock, for lack of a better word.

She took the opportunity to preach to me about how I needed more exercise and to fix my diet. She's right, of course. More exercise and a better diet will probably help my depression immensely. But the fact that she immediately began talking to me like a fucking diet pamphlet just pissed me right the fuck off. I was still terrified, and eating better was the last thing on my mind. I know she was just trying to help, and that she cares - I mean, I woke her up at 1 AM and she wasn't screaming at me or anything - and I appreciate that, and my anger is probably very unjustified, and that this sentence contains too many "and"s, but I honestly couldn't possibly care less at that point.

That all happened between about 12:50 and 1:50 AM. It is now about 2:40 AM.

Anyway, I'm typing this because I have no idea what the fuck just happened to me. It came out of nowhere, really. Should I go see a therapist or something? Or get medication? Or am I just being melodramatic?

Regardless, typing this out has made me feel a lot better. I'm still shaking a little, but it's not so bad and I feel relatively normal - except nervous at the idea that this might happen again, and shocked at the fact that it happened at all. I'm sorry if I'm just being melodramatic, and this is all in my head or something. I feel like that's a distinct possibility.

[SpyPie]

I'm not exactly sure whats wrong. But the good news is, is that you aren't going crazy. I've had something similar happen to me when I was 11. I was taking Aderall twice a day for Aspergers. Everyday I was a huge, depressed jerk. Until one night I got extremely, uncontrollably angry, rabid, almost. My mom wasn't amused. The baby was sleeping. After my rampage, i started shaking, crying like crazy. I curled into a ball and rocked back and forth. shouting to myself "don't take me there (because mom was calling a mental hospital). I took myself upstairs, took a shower, listened to music, I was calm again. They took me off aderall, that never happened again. My point is. Find what might be doing this to you [wether it's hormones, medication, ect] calm down, and talk with yourself and your parents on how to fix it.

I hope i help

[Fimbulin]

BLIND I love you man. ANYTIME you feel this way, feel free to message me or someone else on the forums. The absolute worst thing you can do is ignore it or keep silent to yourself. I'm sure that there's alot of people here that are willing to spend our time to help you out. Try to stay positive and pony on.
*bug hugs*


p.s. foozogz music. ALWAYS helps me when I'm depressed, maybe not you, but it seriously can't hurt to try? I'd reccomend "Sweetheart" for starters.

[Facade]

i just want to make something people can enjoy. it seems no one enjoys anything about me. no one respects me. i feel hated. i feel alone. i cant do anything with anyone without getting stabbed in the back.

[soultensionbenjamin]

i just want to make something people can enjoy. it seems no one enjoys anything about me. no one respects me. i feel hated. i feel alone. i cant do anything with anyone without getting stabbed in the back.

dude facade i understand how you feel man but no one hates you this is a fandom/community of love

if you ever need someone to talk to man you got my skype if you ever just wanna talk it out.

[SpyPie]

Nobody hates you, Facade, I appreciate you just as much as anyone on here.

[Magnitude Zero]

BLIND I love you man. ANYTIME you feel this way, feel free to message me or someone else on the forums. The absolute worst thing you can do is ignore it or keep silent to yourself. I'm sure that there's alot of people here that are willing to spend our time to help you out. Try to stay positive and pony on.
*bug hugs*


p.s. foozogz music. ALWAYS helps me when I'm depressed, maybe not you, but it seriously can't hurt to try? I'd reccomend "Sweetheart" for starters.

Aw, I love you too mang Thanks, I appreciate that. I do actually listen to Foozogz, and yes, it does help.

@Satyr: I dunno about not going crazy, ha. I don't take any medication or anything like that, so I really have no idea. Caffeine probably doesn't help though.

@Facade: Bah, you're not alone. I gave you a hard time in that other thread, but it's nothing personal. If you want you can add me on Skype (blindbaker49) and send me a message whenever you're feeling lonely. I might not be much help in my... current state of mind, but damn it I'll try.

[Freewave]

Yeah BLIND if you're not on a medication then it can't be easy to chock up to a side effect. If there's nothing specific that's happening to you in your present or your past to trigger these events (no recreational drug use right?) you might want to talk to therapist. Mental illness is something that can just happen to people so if it's schizophrnia or bipolar or something much more mild it's important to know what's going on. Defintely keep tabs on what's occurring and when and seek a professional who may better know what's happening to you.

Facade, I agree it was poor taste to start that thread about that collab thing, but no one hates you. You do seem to be feeling really down about yourself and your output so if you need to talk you have a thread and feel free to vent. We'll be understanding.

[Facade]

Facade, I agree it was poor taste to start that thread about that collab thing, but no one hates you. You do seem to be feeling really down about yourself and your output so if you need to talk you have a thread and feel free to vent. We'll be understanding.

its just every day more and more people ignore me. i ask for constructive criticism people ignore me again then someone does something without asking i call them out for it and then people post hateful things about me it sucks i cant stand it i'm better off living alone without friends or family or anyone at all

[Navron]

Moon swings, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety...

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience, but your post does concern me, especially since you mentioned you had suicidal thoughts to the point it made you sick.

Anxiety and panic attacks are common, especially in the teenage years, which I'm assuming based off your post. What isn't common is having suicidal thoughts to the point of throwing up. That sounds much more serious because to me, because it sounds like those thoughts were serious enough you actually scared yourself to the point it made you sick.

Is this the first time you've had those thoughts? Did you make an actual attempt?
*Feel free to PM me vs discussing these on the board if you'd prefer.*

Are you currently on any medication?

How is your diet and exercise?

Are you getting plenty of water?

Are you getting plenty of sleep?

Are you talking any workout supplements such as N.O.Xplode, Jack3d, or any type of creatine and/or nitrous oxide supplement?

Are there any personal issues going on with your life that might be contributing to your mood swings?

Some of these questions may seem vague compared to the situation, but each and any one of them can contribute to feelings of detachment, mood swings, etc. Just simply being dehydrated can cause somebody to go into a dissociative state.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but I do have experience with my squadron in helping identify personnel who are in a high risk flight status due to similar issues.

I've seen people have a complete mental breakdown in flight. I myself have experienced a complete mental breakdown in flight.

Something as simple as being anxious about an upcoming test can be enough to contribute to a full mental breakdown if other stressors compound it.

It's good you were open enough to talk about it.

[Sugarholik]

'm better off living alone without friends or family or anyone at all

You're not.
Don't make rushed decisions when you're upset. Think about stuff overnight, then tell about your feelings.
Just don't go, please!

[Facade]

Don't make rushed decisions when you're upset.

i'm not i've been thinking about it for a while now maybe i've just been upset for too long.

[CommandSpry]

Facade, don't assume people don't like you when they disagree with you, for chrisesakes everyone does this.

[Sugarholik]

Don't make rushed decisions when you're upset.

i'm not i've been thinking about it for a while now maybe i've just been upset for too long.

But still. I don't think anyone hates you or ignores you. This place has grown alot and there are alot of guys too. There simply is no time to give enough attention to everyone. Hell, if you need critique for your songs PM me. I'll deliver.

[Facade]

Don't make rushed decisions when you're upset.

i'm not i've been thinking about it for a while now maybe i've just been upset for too long.

But still. I don't think anyone hates you or ignores you. This place has grown alot and there are alot of guys too. There simply is no time to give enough attention to everyone. Hell, if you need critique for your songs PM me. I'll deliver.

yea this place has grown a lot but i watch this place 24/7 and very few people post its mostly the same group of people :/

[Navron]

Don't make rushed decisions when you're upset.

i'm not i've been thinking about it for a while now maybe i've just been upset for too long.

Take a break from the situation. Give yourself a good workout like a jog, run, or a couple hours at the gym, and give yourself an extra hour of sleep than you'd normally do. Tomorrow is the day to make that decision. Not today.

[Sugarholik]

Take a break from the situation. Give yourself a good workout like a jog, run, or a couple hours at the gym, and give yourself an extra hour of sleep than you'd normally do. Tomorrow is the day to make that decision. Not today.

Words of wisdom.

To me it seems you are anxious because of a misconception, Facade. It breaks my heart to see someone saying things like you do now. Don't give up yet!

[Freewave]

Facade, we'd be lying if we said that we (and that includes me) didn't go through periods where we felt ignored, invisble, or even occasionally mildly disliked (more often than not it's our own imagination). The key is to wait a day or two for it to pass, stay busy doing something you do like to do, reach out to people (friends or aquaintances), and realize that life has highs and lows and more often than not they're self-imagined. You've kind of built yourself into a tizzy w/o reaching out to anyone yet or realizing this a part of being a musician, regardless of size. Pull yourself up, take these ponyhugs (**hands you FIVE ponyhugs**), and realize that a lot of people know and lovingly support you. There's too many people in this community give you the attention you likely deserve but don't drop out because you've hit a low.

I have these as virtual hugs.


You are not the first musician to feel sorrow, doubt, and pain. It's what makes you human but don't give up. Here's some sad music that hopefully may make you feel better.

[Facade]

Facade, we'd be lying if we said that we (and that includes me) didn't go through periods where we felt ignored, invisble, or even occasionally mildly disliked (more often than not it's our own imagination). The key is to wait a day or two, stay busy doing something you do like to do, reach out to people (friends or aquaintances), and realize that life has highs and lows and more often than not they're self-imagined. You've kind of built yourself into a tizzy w/o reaching out to anyone yet or realizing this a part of being a musician, regardless of size. Pull yourself up, take these ponyhugs (**hands you FIVE ponyhugs**), and realize that a lot of people know and lovingly support you. There's too many people in this community give you the attention you likely deserve but don't drop out because you've hit a low.

I have these as virtual hugs.


You are not the first musician to feel sorrow, doubt, and pain. It's what makes you human but don't give up. Here's some sad music that hopefully may make you feel better.

thanks man i just wish i could find a genre im good at it seems i lack skill in almost everything i do :/
on top of that i lost a friend today i wont say who but he started being aggressive towards me so i defensively became aggressive back. :/

[Freewave]

Ultimately it should be a genre YOU like and that you like making music in. Maybe do a few tracks in a row of that style until you feel more skilled with practice. Maybe just really work hard on a track with a lot of help (ask around to what can be improved) and doing a lot of youtube instructional videos. Or just take a break until you FEEL like you have something you just have to put together. Pick which works best i guess.

Sorry about the fight you had, those suck. I hope you guys work it out after its cooled off (if its repairable; give it a shot) or you find a way to realize that you didn't start that fight. But that can't feel good. I'll be honest while this is an amazing community full of love it's also quite lonely sometimes. I wish i could claim that i have loads of friends but really i have one very close one, many aquaintances, and people i likely never realized who would have by back in an instant or would be there if i reached out or needed a shoulder to lean on. I know that might not FEEL like what you need but then again what if you give that up by leaving? What's left? Ultimately I hope you choose to reach out to anyone who's there and willing to talk (start new friendships perhaps) and mostly realize that we do have your back. You can always work yourself out of a low by recognizing that's what it is and how to get past it and to feel better about yourself. Be your best advocate and appreciate yourself, your work, and if it you need to work on both then take the time.

[SpyPie]

I'm really mopy and bored atm...
I'm going nuts being so far away from my studio, not being able to do what I love...
Man, this place could use a RPing forum...

[SwissArmyCheese]

Well, I haven't been in this thread since February. Time for a little vent...

I feel utterly and completely average. There is absolutely nothing (That I know of yet), that I'm good at. I feel like a CMC.

Lately I've been getting a lot of shit from my friends and family because it seems like I can't do anything right. I have no special talents, I'm not known for being good at something, I just feel like I can't do anything right. Since I've been getting ripped on by everyone for screwing things up, My depression and anxiety have shot into overdrive. For the past 3 days, I've only left the house once to go get grocieries.

I've always had confidence issues, and when I actually do find some confidence it's beaten down by something. I try and keep a positive attitude, but lately it's been "Meh, Fuck it ." I just need a good kick in the ass to go out and get motivated, anyone got any tips and tricks?

And don't get me started on my music, I have a shitty: one gig ram, linux, lmms, overheating piece of crap dell. I can barely write 10 seconds of something before it all falls apart. I use my Mom's work laptop to get on the forums.

Man, this place could use a RPing forum...

I second this.