The hugging/venting thread

[Pickslide1992]

Thanks for the support, guys. I have these feelings of worthlessness sometimes and when I try to express myself, I fear that people will grow tired of my self loathing and turn their backs on me. I don't know, I'm just at a crossroads, like a wayward spirit who has no destination. He just goes through the motions. I've been doing the LPS stuff mainly to wait for MLP to come back in the Winter, but their season is ending soon too, so I suppose I can play catch up on episodes I missed, but I digress.

I'm happy you guys actually care about me, even if we're not as close as my family or people who live near me, but I still feel pretty bad. Not to the extent to take my own life, but general depression.

[Pickslide1992]

You know, I feel a lot better now. I guess I tend to blow things out of proportion and what I thought was bad enough to threaten my own life wasn't a big deal after all. Now I feel rather stupid. xD

[Freewave]

You know, I feel a lot better now. I guess I tend to blow things out of proportion and what I thought was bad enough to threaten my own life wasn't a big deal after all. Now I feel rather stupid. xD

It's ok man. I'd rather you reach out to us when you're feeling down rather than doing something rash. I was terrified to read the top of the thread and then relieved to find out that you're ok. Gotta keep that depression in check though and learn that those bad times will come and then go. Just gotta weather through that storm. Upon us all a little rain must fall.

***Hugs***

[Pickslide1992]

I know, but sometimes I tend to be a little dramatic with these things.

[topitmunkeydog]

I hope your ok... Golly, I totally missed that whole conversation

So my parents just talked with my sister and the first therapy thing is on Wednesday. So that's good! She didn't take it badly especially because my parents recognize cutting as un unhealthy way of dealing with stress. So the therapist also talks about stress relief and stuff.

[@ppleBukker]

Hey, pickslide1992

I just want to let you know that depression can make you think irrational thoughts that are never true. If you were to end it all, the MLR boards would feel a little emptier without you and your rocking attitude. Also, I think we live rather close to each other! I live in Roanoke, AL. Which, if I'm correct, Columbus is about an hour or so away. We should hang out sometime, bro!

Okay, time for my vent.

So, this is the first time in a very long time that I've been able to try to get back to being more involved in the brony community. Work has really sucked the life out of me. I have so many ideas in my head, but when I get free time to put them into play, I'm way too tired. Those precious few days I have off, I'm wrapped up in doing other stuff. Luckily, I'll be starting class soon and they'll have to cut back on my hours.

See, not being part of this community and not having the ability to produce is really getting to me. Of course, I do have family and my girlfriend to talk to, but that's it, really. This whole community (especially the show) really helped me out in a desperate time in my life. That's why I like being part of such a loving and caring group. Producing has really helped me become expressive and vent my angers and anxieties into a creative medium. Now, a minimum-wage gas station attendant job has robbed that from me.

Where I was once constantly thinking of new techniques to try and contemplating new projects, now I'm worrying about petty situations in a workplace that will forget about me after I leave. Once, I was chatting and conversing with fellow bronies who understood problems and offered advice and friendship. Now, I have to force conversation with coworkers and managers who talk behind my back. At on time, I was happy and always reflecting on the ideals of "love and tolerate" and learning how to open my heart up to others and look at the beauties of life. Now, I've found myself hardened and slightly becoming bitter at the surrounding world, clamming up because of being stabbed in the back countless times. I don't want this. I want to be part of something that appreciates, that loves, that cares and that creates. Not a dead-end job that sees me as a replaceable resource.

So, this vent, in my opinion, was just me being whiny. I know I probably just wasted a post, but I had to get this out and finally express how everything has turned since August of last year. However, I thank ya'll for reading this. I love you all.

[nOk]

So, this is the first time in a very long time that I've been able to try to get back to being more involved in the brony community. Work has really sucked the life out of me. I have so many ideas in my head, but when I get free time to put them into play, I'm way too tired. Those precious few days I have off, I'm wrapped up in doing other stuff. Luckily, I'll be starting class soon and they'll have to cut back on my hours.

See, not being part of this community and not having the ability to produce is really getting to me. Of course, I do have family and my girlfriend to talk to, but that's it, really. This whole community (especially the show) really helped me out in a desperate time in my life. That's why I like being part of such a loving and caring group. Producing has really helped me become expressive and vent my angers and anxieties into a creative medium. Now, a minimum-wage gas station attendant job has robbed that from me.

Where I was once constantly thinking of new techniques to try and contemplating new projects, now I'm worrying about petty situations in a workplace that will forget about me after I leave. Once, I was chatting and conversing with fellow bronies who understood problems and offered advice and friendship. Now, I have to force conversation with coworkers and managers who talk behind my back. At on time, I was happy and always reflecting on the ideals of "love and tolerate" and learning how to open my heart up to others and look at the beauties of life. Now, I've found myself hardened and slightly becoming bitter at the surrounding world, clamming up because of being stabbed in the back countless times. I don't want this. I want to be part of something that appreciates, that loves, that cares and that creates. Not a dead-end job that sees me as a replaceable resource.

Heh, believe me friend, you're not the only one getting the life sucked out of you. I'm still in school though, so my situation is a bit different. I'm currently unemployed, and my folks still take care of nearly all of my expenses, which I feel really bad about considering I'm totally capable of getting a job! My problem is that i'm extremely introverted. Not enough that I can't even communicate like some people, but I tend to make conversations awkward just because I have no idea what to say to people. It's hard to explain, and is kind of a long story. Basically I'm under a metric shit-ton of stress and pressure.
If I had any advice though, it would be to develop a sort of "who gives a f&$@" sort of mentality. I mean, obviously you should still be worried about stuff, but a little bit of a carefree attitude helps in almost any situation. Also, I would look for a better job. One that lets you be a bit more creative. I would much rather be unemployed than do a job that causes me nothing but stress and disapointment.
If you want some more sage advice, this is something I learned from a book on music production, but it can apply to all areas of life. Make a list of (realistic) goals for yourself for the next 1 or 2 years. Like for instance find a new job, save up X amount of money, and even just personal goals like losing weight! Your personal life is reflected in how well you do in the rest of your life! I don't know what to tell you other than that. Life sucks sometimes :/ Always try to do what makes you happy, though, and keep on trying to produce as best you can. I wish you the best of luck in sucking your life right back

[itroitnyah]

Alright, I've built my computer as some of you may know, and the only problem that I think I have is that the monitor isn't receiving input. Well, I've tried connecting an onboard speaker (the thing that beeps when you turn on the your computer) to see what that can tell you, and it didn't beep. So I may have to RMA (What does that stand for, btw?) my motherboard based on what I've seen from other people having the same problem that have posted in forums. I'll be taking the computer into a friend's office where I'll have a coworker who knows a ton about AMD computers work on it a bit. Hopefully the problem is just a simple "oops" thing and not something like RMAing my motherboard, because then I'll have to completely disassemble it, and storing the CPU would probably be a pain in the ass, since I need to place it somewhere where it can sit and won't bend any pins, and it already has the thermal paste applied, so that'll make it a whole lot more difficult. There's just so much more that can go wrong, and it's a bit frustrating. I've tried everything that I've been suggested, and nothing has been working. Bleh, first world problems

[Pickslide1992]

@pplebucker, of course that would be awesome. I assume you're aware of Nerdacon here in ol' Columbus? Last year I did a brony panel with a good friend of mine. If you didn't go last year, you should come out this November (It's usually in November).

Anyway, not to derail the thread, I'm feeling a bit better. I can't, in good conscience, say I'm 100% since with depression, you're never 100% all the time. My college semester is wrapping up and with it comes all of the stress of final papers and exams. However, it shouldn't be an issue as one of them is just extra credit.

[colortwelve]

Recently it's bugged me that I'm almost incapable of crying. So I Google that shit, and I'm way more fucked in the head than I thought I was. Why this >.>

[Pickslide1992]

Recently it's bugged me that I'm almost incapable of crying. So I Google that shit, and I'm way more fucked in the head than I thought I was. Why this >.>

I kind of have the same problem. Part of me wants to not cry because either I feel as though I have to be strong when an emergency hits or some sort of machismo I have to uphold (Real men don't cry), but it's a healthy thing to do. What I do is look for something sad when I need to release my emotions and don't hold out. A personal favorite to cry my eyes out to is Find a Way from the season 3 finale. That is a powerful song and it makes me misty-eyed each time I hear it. You may have something different, but that's my suggestion.

[Alycs]

That sounds very much like reverse-Descartism; where instead of first seeing yourself as a means of existence, you see others. I know you are an atheist, but your feelings remind me of a section of St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologica, Question 79, Articles 1-5, 8-13. They deal with the rationalization of the mind, intellect, and existence. I think that you would find it helpful:
http://www.newadvent.org/summa/1079.htm

Its very logical, and written in the style of a pre-Montaigne Rebutal essay, so it won't have any of the strange "logic" that a lot of Christian Theology books use to "prove" their points.

[ExoBassTix]

Recently it's bugged me that I'm almost incapable of crying. So I Google that shit, and I'm way more fucked in the head than I thought I was. Why this >.>

This may sound weird, or annoying, but I've always managed to keep back tears even at extreme moments. Not one moment did I have to struggle to keep them out of sight for anyone. Not even when my granddad finally died of pancreatic cancer.

The only moments when I cry is when it's foggy and windy and I'm cycling to school. I get teary eyes. A lot. Which is stupid... -_-'

[Pickslide1992]

Okay, I need a bit of help. Nothing major like before, but I think the stem of my problem is that I have extremely low self confidence and I'll blame myself for anything that goes wrong and beat myself up for it. It's like there's another side of myself scrutinizing everything I do and glorifying everything that goes wrong.

[v.lossity]

Okay, I need a bit of help. Nothing major like before, but I think the stem of my problem is that I have extremely low self confidence and I'll blame myself for anything that goes wrong and beat myself up for it. It's like there's another side of myself scrutinizing everything I do and glorifying everything that goes wrong.

I think this is something everyone struggles with in some form or another. I think everyone's perception of self is skewed or flawed in some way. Everyone has to struggle to find an accurate (and ideally optimistic) outlook on themselves. Personally my struggle is with my own accomplishments. I tend to minimize these and never be satisfied with them. I think you have to learn to little by little work on it. It gets better.

Yes, but it's frivolous at best. I know it won't get me anywhere where I can make a living. I can't even get known in the first place, so what use is my musical talent (Yeah right) if it can't get me even to a frivolous position? It's a hobby at best.

Also, you should do music because you enjoy it, not to become known or to get appreciation or to make a living (imo). I can totally understand the feeling of wanting to be "worth it" to someone, to want to be accepted, to have someone actually validate that what you are doing or who you are is worthwhile, but I find that if/when you do receive this validation, the satisfaction, or whatever you want to call it is pretty fleeting. I feel like at some point you have to generate an intrinsic satisfaction from what you do. Its not necessarily easy nor is it as straightforward, but it is more powerful. For me, everything I have ever done "to be liked", or for someone else, or because I "was supposed to" never turned out as well as things that I wanted to do just because I enjoyed them. So I guess what I am getting to is that while everyone likes for people to be nice to them and likes to receive recognition and whatnot, you shouldn't live your life that way. When your happiness depends on other peoples actions towards you, then you lose control of your happiness and hand it to your environment. If your friends/coworkers/family/etc don't act nicely towards you, you feel bad. But if you have an intrinsic motivation, something that gives you satisfaction based solely on your own goals/morals/values/etc, no-one else's behavior can get you down. If your happiness isn't based on other people, you dont have to go through a roller coaster of feeling up one day but then feeling terrible the next. You become directly responsible for your own happiness. And yeah, this can seem kind of selfish or lonely or myopic, like, "what about friends, are you saying they have no point?". And no, thats not what I mean. Relationships with others are important, I just think you can't hinge your happiness on others views or treatment of you. And I think that if you manage to start looking at things this way, you will start having things go your way more. You will make more friends, you will do better at music, etc.

And if making music makes you happy, or you enjoy it, who cares about the rest? If you just want to make good music, just work on that, and the skill, recognition, etc will come later.

TL;DR: Intrinsic Satisfaction>Extrinsic Satisfaction

Sorry for huge block of text and possible preachiness, but just trying to share some ideas that turned my life around last summer. If you are interested in this kind of thinking, there's a great book I can recommend that got me started.

[Pickslide1992]

Thanks for the help, guys, but I've come to realize just how fucked up this planet is in this week alone. I was feeling better, but this string of violence has me in a state of panic, depression, and uncertainty. Why is it that people want to hurt others, especially innocents? From the Boston marathon bombings to the car bombs in Iraq to the MIT shootings earlier, I'm in a terrible mood. I can't believe I live in a fucked up society where violence is the first instinct like we're a bunch of animals. What ever happened to love, huh? Did that not cut the mustard anymore? Did it go out of style long ago? Or maybe I finally got a taste of how the world really works and just how shitty life really is. We just cover it and disguise it to make the shit tolerable. I'm starting to see how futile it all is in the grand scheme of things.

[Callenby]

Pickslide, I'd like to share with you Patton Oswalt's comments in the wake of the Boston tragedy. Hopefully they can help.

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."

But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

The line "We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil" is, I believe, especially salient. Don't let all the bad blind you to all the good out there.

[v.lossity]

Load a save game?

[Nine Volt]

i accidentally released my favorite pokemon :'(

R.I.P.

Wait

how do you accidentally do that?

there's like a confirmation screen and everything



what pokemon was it?

[Motivfs]

I suck at making music. It feels like the last 4 months I've actually decreased in the quality of my music.

In the year I've spent producing, I've never once felt like this.... It really sucks.

[Nine Volt]

I suck at making music. It feels like the last 4 months I've actually decreased in the quality of my music.

In the year I've spent producing, I've never once felt like this.... It really sucks.

Probably burnout. Just take a break from producing, don't even touch your DAW for a week or two. After that, go back and try making what you want (dnb, it seems). If you still feel this way, try producing something outside of your comfort zone, or just dick around and make something silly. If you still feel like shit... well we'll figure that out then.

[Motivfs]

I suck at making music. It feels like the last 4 months I've actually decreased in the quality of my music.

In the year I've spent producing, I've never once felt like this.... It really sucks.

Probably burnout. Just take a break from producing, don't even touch your DAW for a week or two. After that, go back and try making what you want (dnb, it seems). If you still feel this way, try producing something outside of your comfort zone, or just dick around and make something silly. If you still feel like shit... well we'll figure that out then.

Could be, I don't know.. Maybe I should stop actually making songs and rather, practise on certain skills such as more advanced music theory and, sound design, something I've lacked in for too long.

Or do like what you did, and screw with vocoder on vocals and vocoder basses.

I guess that's what I'll do for now, I don't think I could live two weeks without touching my DAW haha. Anyways thanks, I'll see if it helps.

[ExoBassTix]

Giving up is never an option, or you wouldn't really love making music. If it's what you love, you'll get past it.
As far as I know, dicking around sounds like the best option to me. I know it helped me (?!) when I hit a brick wall in the production of my R&R contribution.

Yea... About that...

I'm kinda getting really worried that I won't get my Hooves Up High remix for R&R done in time.
It would be my second submission, but still... (I think I'd make more chance with this one anyways)

[Motivfs]

Giving up is never an option, or you wouldn't really love making music. If it's what you love, you'll get past it.
As far as I know, dicking around sounds like the best option to me. I know it helped me (?!) when I hit a brick wall in the production of my R&R contribution.

That's what I plan to do.

I would NEVER quit music, no matter how low I feel, it's been something that has driven me all my life, maybe not in the same way it's driven others (The only instrument I've ever played was drums/percussion) because of my family's financial issues, but I would never even think of quitting.

Anyways, good luck on your R&R contributions, Hooves Up High was so much fun to remix myself, I'm sure you'll find a way to complete it.

[ExoBassTix]

Giving up is never an option, or you wouldn't really love making music. If it's what you love, you'll get past it.
As far as I know, dicking around sounds like the best option to me. I know it helped me (?!) when I hit a brick wall in the production of my R&R contribution.

That's what I plan to do.

I would NEVER quit music, no matter how low I feel, it's been something that has driven me all my life, maybe not in the same way it's driven others (The only instrument I've ever played was drums/percussion) because of my family's financial issues, but I would never even think of quitting.

(Don't really see what instruments have to do with this *o* I've had piano lessons for 2,5 year, trumpet lessons for a half year, and some guitar and bass guitar lessons)

Anyways, good luck on your R&R contributions, Hooves Up High was so much fun to remix myself, I'm sure you'll find a way to complete it.

Thankies ^-^ it's fun for me too. The funniest project so far (except for R&V of course), as this is so new, so fresh, so me, lol I'm shining.

I am so totally over-excited about my contribution to R&V uhm, no, contributions, as I got one solo project and a shiny collab going on same for R&R btw... Heehee