<Pony> <Remix> MORE APPLE FWITTER

[Brick Stonewood]

Well, this is the first song I've ever shared with anyone except very close friends, and to be honest, I'm pretty proud of it, but I'm still very new at this, and I know it's far from perfect, so I was hoping I could get some feedback from you guys. Please let me know what you think.

https://soundcloud.com/brick-stonewood/more-apple-fwitter

[topitmunkeydog]

Wow, this is really good for a first! You definitely have a unique style and I like it. I'm not sure how well Applejack's vocals fit with the actual song though, because on its own it is really great. Keep up the good work!

[Patashu]

This has a lot of neat ideas but a lot of execution errors too - but I wouldn't worry, since the latter is a LOT easier to fix than having nothing to write about.

Song and Applejack's lyrics don't sync up. This is a very big deal and should be fixed.
At first I thought would be a lot stronger without Applejack's lyrics - like, you're going for some kind of dark ambient industrial horror thing, and there's this candy sweet lyrics going on top of it? XD Then the way you use them in the ending, where you slow down and do a neat dark chord with slowed down lyrics on top is cool - but then you ruin it by mixing an entirely different bpm on top of it. But, I think the kind of mood you set with that is what you're after.
So, if you want to go in that direction, you should do some processing on the lyrics - to make them seem darker in some way. I don't have any advice for this, it depends on what you want - find a lot of tools and screw around until you and the first friend you show it to like it. After that it should be a far more coherent work, and I'll give more feedback

You should also listen to, repeatedly so you take it all in and analyze it in your head, a lot of music in the style you're trying to compose for. Industrial and dark ambient and stuff. That'll give you ideas for things to recreate, ideas for evoking moods and so on. Good stuff.

[Conduit]

This sounds like I'm listening to two different songs at once.

In my opinion you should take out the applejack lyrics, it really doesn't fit with the much darker song underneath, and there is no need to slap pony onto everything you do.

As for the part under the vocals, the one instrument that is introduced at the very start really needs EQ, it's extremely muddy, and makes it hard to hear the other elements.
-The flute starting at 1:10 is really dissonant, and honestly a little gross sounding, I think the song would be better off without it, or with it playing something different.
-The ending is weird, on one hand its kinda cool, but at the same time it really doesn't fit with the rest of the track.

Overall though the song is really good for a first track, so don't get discouraged by the critique.

[Brick Stonewood]

Wow, thanks a lot, guys! That all sounds like really solid advice, and I'll definitely take it into account for the next one I try and put together. I'm actually pretty relieved to hear you guys say that I'm doing well so far, because I don't really have much way of knowing otherwise. Now, I was trying to juxtapose the cute vocals with the dark atmosphere, but I really couldn't get it to do exactly what I was hoping for, and you're completely right about that part. It was sort of an experiment. I'm trying to learn whatever I can at this stage. I'm using FL Studio, and I can honestly say that I didn't even know what the mixer was for or how to use it when I wrote this, or I'd have utilized it, and that would hopefully fix most of the problems. I've gotten a bit of feedback in the IRC already, and that helped a lot too, so hopefully I'll be able to get everything down in the near future. Even if that's not the case, I'm really enjoying doing this so far, and this is clearly a really awesome community to get help and support from, so again, thanks, guys.

find a lot of tools and screw around until you and the first friend you show it to like it.

As for this bit, I would very much like to try this, but I'm not sure I have any friends patient enough to just sit there and listen to basically the same thing over and over until I got it right. For that matter, is there a place you guys normally upload unfinished works privately to get feedback? It would be a pretty big help if I could do that much. Sorry. I know my newness is showing quite a bit here.

[Conduit]

Most people get review of their tracks over Skype. Feel free to add me, I think my Skype name is Flatflish, but I'm not quite sure, check the tutors thread in the technique subforum and you'll find me.
On Skype I'll show up as Mark (Feesh).