Please tell me I'm okay.

[Nonsense_Profile]

Being face to face with someone who has a gun make's you consider alot doesn't it?

The most obvious question being 'Is this how I'll die?'

... haha I noticed that I write like a narrator. for everything.

But I'm getting off subject. I meant to say that the one of the two recent shooting's(clackamas town center) was an event that I was a witness too.

and its odd. I dont feel tramatized. I dont feel sad. scared. nothing.

I seen one of the bodies, a guy. I really dont remember much else other than that he was, in fact, a guy.

I seen everyone run, run away. to i dont know where, it didnt even look like they did. they just ran.

and I saw the shooter. this is why its so odd.

I saw his face. he wasnt wearing a scowl, or anger fueled mask. he wasnt killing for the sake of killing. he was scared and crying.

It was like he was AND wasnt a psychopath.

Dont get me wrong, killing any innocent person... is just.. WRONG. and I think he knew that... and that's whats odd...

I think now about what he was like the day... week or anytime before. he didnt seem like the type to kill cats. he was just... another person... like us..

So what pushed him?

I had my little sister that day... eight years old and just out of school.

she says she never wants to go to a mall again.

and me...

I just feel gone...

I've witnessed death before. Ive seen alot of people die because of where I grew up...

... but its not like sadness, I didnt lock myself in my room, I still read creepy pasta's, I'm still the same!

So... i just want to know, that if I am used to death, because Ive seen so much of it... Am I okay?

[ChocolateChicken]

I think there's tons of possibilities of why you're feeling what you're feeling. One possibility is that you, like most people in today's society under the age of 30, are quite desensitized, from any number of reasons, and that's okay.

Another possibility is that maybe your brain developed its own natural defense mechanism throughout your life to help you remain calm in harsh and extreme situations that require rationality. Basically, it's the effect of pushing your emotions out of the way. The human brain is really good at developing that type of response, and that would also explain why you don't feel sad, traumatized, or scared in your position.

Or a combination of the two. Or maybe I'm wrong.

If I'm wrong, I'm sure you are capable of figuring out how and why you feel the way that you do better than anybody else can.

But yeah, you're okay.

[ChocolateChicken]

Also, where and when did this happen? I feel like I should have heard about this or read about it somewhere.

[itroitnyah]

Damn dude. That is just... Wow. All I can say. Well, from what you said,

I've witnessed death before. Ive seen alot of people die because of where I grew up...

It depends on where you grew up. If you've seen a lot of people die in unnatural ways, like from gun shots or whatnot, then I'd say that you've been desensitized to the point where you aren't affected by it. If you've grown up seeing people die from natural ways, like disease, then you must have seen a lot of people die.

Maybe you're still in shock and you just don't realize it? I'd suggest that regardless, MLR isn't the best place to find stuff like this out. Go see a therapist or psychologist or something, just in case. Even if they ask you all the proper questions and confirm that you're ok, it's better safe than sorry.

Also, what ChocolateChicken said.

But, that's still unbelievable, that you were right there when it happened, and can tell a firsthand account of what happened. Not an "expert analysis" of what occurred from somebody who wasn't even there, but an account of what happened from somebody who was actually there, and saw it all.

[XXDarkShadow79XX]

People experience emotions in different ways. You're not insensitive, you're just you.

[Navron]

Adrenaline has that heart racing effect when it comes on and suddenly goes away. You quickly realize you jumped, or realize you were scared within seconds of being out of danger.

However, when your adrenaline ramps up, and stays ramped up, you don't notice it, but it does block your emotions very, very, very well.

Early in 2011 I was in a helicopter crash. Nothing catastrophic, but we hit some trees with our rotor blades, and we got up in the air with just enough time to realize the damage and come shaking down to the ground.

My adrenaline ramped up right before we hit the trees, but the rest of it, I felt virtually nothing. No fear, no anxiety, no sadness. Nothing. Just a clear, rational thought that I was either going to survive, or die, and I was 100% ready to accept whatever happened. Just calmly laid down on the floor of the cabin, and waited to hit the ground.

Afterwards, when the adrenaline wore off, I realized my hands were shaking uncontrollably, and I thought it was because I was cold. There was literally no recall of having an adrenaline jump or anything. I just stood there outside the helicopter, looking at my hands shaking, and being somewhat fascinated by it.

I felt absolutely nothing over the next few months. Had a couple dreams involving helicopter crashes, but nothing that caused me to wake up shaking or anything of that nature.

I did however, have a very hard time getting back into flying again. My first few months of flying after the incident I was very nervous, and constantly told the pilots they were too close, too low, too fast, etc, despite the fact we weren't.

All in all, I think you're okay, but it would be best to get it checked out just incase. PTSD has a very random and unpredictable behavior when it comes to traumatic events, and the worst that could happen is have something set it off one day, when up until then you thought you were fine.

Many people who have lost loved ones won't feel anything for awhile, and then usually a few days, months, sometimes years later, is when the realization sets in, and they break down all of the sudden.

[bigBerd]

Well the fact that you recognized it as behavior that is abnormal from the majority (in the strictest sense of the term) of people is clue #1 that you're not a looney.

Being used to death isn't a bad thing. Morticians, gravekeepers, and doctors are around death all the time. They probably become jaded to the notion of death. I'd imagine seeing people you barely know die enough times makes it less shocking to see someone you don't know die in front of your eyes.

For one, look at cultures like that of Mexico and other Hispanic countries that celebrate Dia de los Muertos. Death is a celebrated concept. There's a big festival every year with lights and music, children are given candy in the shape of skulls, the whole nine yards. They're taught to accept death as a part of life, whereas all we've got (I assume if you're not from the US, our cultures are still pretty similar) is some skinny motherfucker with a scythe and a spooky robe who pops up from time to time in books and movies. And we gotta learn the hard way that death is inevitable.


Just out of curiousity, what else did you feel when you were in that situation? What instincts kicked in and such?

[itroitnyah]

Just out of curiousity, what else did you feel when you were in that situation? What instincts kicked in and such?

Yes, this.

Would you mind telling us what all happened, from your perspective?

[Nonsense_Profile]

Also, where and when did this happen? I feel like I should have heard about this or read about it somewhere.

Look up the clackamas town center shooting

[Nonsense_Profile]

Just out of curiousity, what else did you feel when you were in that situation? What instincts kicked in and such?

Yes, this.

Would you mind telling us what all happened, from your perspective?

There's an orange julius, on the lower level. out in the open, right in the fucking middle of the store. That's where me and my little sister was. I remember pulling her behind one of those little... like vending store's? do you know what I'm talking about?

Well pulled her behind one of those and I remember telling her to stay completely quiet. I said the people he's looking for are the one's who scream, so I said to stay calm. and then I said... something... I really can't remember too much.

But I know at one point... This is why I posted the thread in the first place... asking if I was okay.

But I was happy. completely euphorically happy, and adrenaline was probably the most likely cause for it. but I remember looking over the thing at the guy. I was already planning What I would want to do to him If I somehow managed to catch him or something equally stupid.

He never even made it halfway too us, he ended up killing himself.

and everyone in the mall was evacuated. I think two... maybe three people died. I'm not totally sure outside of the one guy. it's just odd now.

[Nonsense_Profile]

I think there's tons of possibilities of why you're feeling what you're feeling. One possibility is that you, like most people in today's society under the age of 30, are quite desensitized, from any number of reasons, and that's okay.

Another possibility is that maybe your brain developed its own natural defense mechanism throughout your life to help you remain calm in harsh and extreme situations that require rationality. Basically, it's the effect of pushing your emotions out of the way. The human brain is really good at developing that type of response, and that would also explain why you don't feel sad, traumatized, or scared in your position.

Or a combination of the two. Or maybe I'm wrong.

If I'm wrong, I'm sure you are capable of figuring out how and why you feel the way that you do better than anybody else can.

But yeah, you're okay.

I actually think your second suggestion might be the most true. Grew up in Oakland californina, I eventually think I just became used to like gunshot's and crazy shit.

[Nonsense_Profile]

I uh.. am tired. it's like 2:30 here... so if you guys want to keep going on with questions and stuff I'll just check this thread tomorrow..