<pony><Metal><Original>Fall of an Empire

[TheAljavis]

I made a metal song based on SillyFillyStudios's fan animation "Fall of the Crystal Empire."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_CTVMYSchM

[Jokeblue]

I'm really liking the intro. It's very long, but I don't mind so much seeing as it keeps introducing new interesting things along the way. Captures the mood of the animation very well, and everything sits well together in the mix.

I'm not really a fan of the effect you have on the guitars when they first come in (after a couple of listens it started to sound a bit better), but this wouldn't be too much of a problem though if you could still hear them when the double kick comes in. The drum rhythm is awesomely powerful but you seem to have overpowered the guitars, they're a little hard to hear. I can hear them, I know they're there, they're just a little quit under the thundering drums. The snare fill part sounds a little odd... maybe it could sound a little more human. I don't know how to fix that (heh sorry) but i'm sure maybe someone else if they see this thread could help you out..

Lead guitars! The octave rhythm line is good, and so is the lead melody. However the guitars still sound slightly underpowered and it sounds like they still have that odd effect. While everything is good in theory, the guitars (mostly just the rhythm tracks) aren't sitting all that well together in the mix. To me it seem's like it's the effect you've chosen that's causing this.

Nevertheless onto the verse! Your growls aren't that bad. Again, guitars are underpowered. That seems to be my main issue with this track. The lyrics are very metal, and your word choice is good for the style. There seem to be a few small errors in the phrasing of the lyrics but you've for the most part pulled it off. For the line "Corrupt the Illumination and spread the darkness", it would be easier to growl if it were just "Corrupt illumination". You covered this with the quick jump into illumination by dropping the first syllable, but it's nicer to have the whole word. Dropping "the" would just work a little better. It's important that when you're writing lyrics that you phrase the syllables together well, other wise it can be a real bitch to sing, and it can sound unnatural to the ear. As such, the line "Repeat History" might sound nicer as "Repeating History."

Onto the chorus. You're cleans could be better, and the first line "I won't be consumed" sounds kind of out of key. I could be wrong, but I can't think of another note to start on. Anyway, despite that and being a little shaky, you're voice could sound pretty good, given time and some more practice maybe.

Second verse, you're growls sound even better than the first. They sound a lot like Nathan Explosion of Dethklok (particularly his vocal style on Dethalbum 2 and 3). Only issue is with "Evaporate to dark aura"

The way you have it right now is like - Evaporate to dark | | Aura
It may be better phrased as - Evaporate to | dark | aura

Ok that was a really wierd way of explaining it. I guess what I mean is it may have sounded better with a little more of a gap between 'Evaporate' and 'To', as well as some more volume on 'To'. It sounds a little too quick and under pronounced. Other than that second verse is good.

I love that you reintroduced the opening piano ostinato. I love when that happens in a song, and I even used it in a version of my first song. But the transition between heavy and piano, that may have been nicer with a clean cut without the last cymbal strike.

The second Luna part... Again, your vocals need a bit of work :/ I'm not sure what I can really say other than just practice them. Last thing is the drums change and get really awesome and intense at 5:17. Super powerful.

All in all, the song is great in theory. Structurally and thematically solid, with some really awesome lyrics, growls, and drum rhythms. Guitar work wasn't bad, either. If it weren't for the things I pointed out in my above review/critique/whatsamacallit it could be a really, really bitchin' track (which after listening to it, it really deserves to be).


I hope I made sense. I sometimes have a habit of typing things but having them not make sense after I spend a while writing them. Also I hope I don't seem harsh or anything...

[TheAljavis]

I'm really liking the intro. It's very long, but I don't mind so much seeing as it keeps introducing new interesting things along the way. Captures the mood of the animation very well, and everything sits well together in the mix.

I'm not really a fan of the effect you have on the guitars when they first come in (after a couple of listens it started to sound a bit better), but this wouldn't be too much of a problem though if you could still hear them when the double kick comes in. The drum rhythm is awesomely powerful but you seem to have overpowered the guitars, they're a little hard to hear. I can hear them, I know they're there, they're just a little quit under the thundering drums. The snare fill part sounds a little odd... maybe it could sound a little more human. I don't know how to fix that (heh sorry) but i'm sure maybe someone else if they see this thread could help you out..

Lead guitars! The octave rhythm line is good, and so is the lead melody. However the guitars still sound slightly underpowered and it sounds like they still have that odd effect. While everything is good in theory, the guitars (mostly just the rhythm tracks) aren't sitting all that well together in the mix. To me it seem's like it's the effect you've chosen that's causing this.

Nevertheless onto the verse! Your growls aren't that bad. Again, guitars are underpowered. That seems to be my main issue with this track. The lyrics are very metal, and your word choice is good for the style. There seem to be a few small errors in the phrasing of the lyrics but you've for the most part pulled it off. For the line "Corrupt the Illumination and spread the darkness", it would be easier to growl if it were just "Corrupt illumination". You covered this with the quick jump into illumination by dropping the first syllable, but it's nicer to have the whole word. Dropping "the" would just work a little better. It's important that when you're writing lyrics that you phrase the syllables together well, other wise it can be a real bitch to sing, and it can sound unnatural to the ear. As such, the line "Repeat History" might sound nicer as "Repeating History."

Onto the chorus. You're cleans could be better, and the first line "I won't be consumed" sounds kind of out of key. I could be wrong, but I can't think of another note to start on. Anyway, despite that and being a little shaky, you're voice could sound pretty good, given time and some more practice maybe.

Second verse, you're growls sound even better than the first. They sound a lot like Nathan Explosion of Dethklok (particularly his vocal style on Dethalbum 2 and 3). Only issue is with "Evaporate to dark aura"

The way you have it right now is like - Evaporate to dark | | Aura
It may be better phrased as - Evaporate to | dark | aura

Ok that was a really wierd way of explaining it. I guess what I mean is it may have sounded better with a little more of a gap between 'Evaporate' and 'To', as well as some more volume on 'To'. It sounds a little too quick and under pronounced. Other than that second verse is good.

I love that you reintroduced the opening piano ostinato. I love when that happens in a song, and I even used it in a version of my first song. But the transition between heavy and piano, that may have been nicer with a clean cut without the last cymbal strike.

The second Luna part... Again, your vocals need a bit of work :/ I'm not sure what I can really say other than just practice them. Last thing is the drums change and get really awesome and intense at 5:17. Super powerful.

All in all, the song is great in theory. Structurally and thematically solid, with some really awesome lyrics, growls, and drum rhythms. Guitar work wasn't bad, either. If it weren't for the things I pointed out in my above review/critique/whatsamacallit it could be a really, really bitchin' track (which after listening to it, it really deserves to be).


I hope I made sense. I sometimes have a habit of typing things but having them not make sense after I spend a while writing them. Also I hope I don't seem harsh or anything...

I see what you mean when the drums over powered the guitars. I have a habit of doing that. I'll try to make the drums a little quieter then next time I make something. As for the vocals, I knew I was bad at performing them from the start, but yeah, I am still practicing. The "evaporate to dark || aura" part, hehe, whenever I record vocals and it sounds good enough to me, I just keep it. I'll make sure to pay more attention to the pacing and rhythm of the lyrics. But overall, you think its a good song. Thanks for the feedback!

[EpiPony]

JokeBlue has made some quite good points, and i'd like to add some things on top. Personally i think you could make the machinegun snares sound more human by using different velocities. The main volume of the drums (mainly the kick) really need to be taken down as well, they are causing massive volume spikes, making the rest of the track sound messy and barely audible. Making the kick sound audible can be done using post processing i.e. EQ, compression and a little bit of distortion (a really little bit though).
The guitar effect he talked about, i think that's just the type of distortion/amplification you're using, it sounds really fizzy and not really that heavy. Personally i like to use a high gain amp (peavey 6505, ENGL invader, Mesa/Boogie Dual Rectifier) with not too much gain (about 3), and use an overdrive in front (gain at somewhere between 0 and 2 and tone at around 9, 10).
I can't really add to your vocals, i don't really know anything about that haha.
The mix itself is pretty good, apart from the overpowering drums (kick mainly). On the master though you should use some post EQ and a multiband compressor to add more low end and more clarity (there's tons of tutorials about that, personally i think these ones are helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgr8nHCSOMs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VA2CUYOuXw).
Also use a limiter/maximizer to get the volume up where needed and make the track sound a little more at professional volume (which it is at, but not in a good way. Pre-master mixes should spike at like -2dB maximum).
I hope this is advice you can use, the composition itself was awesome haha. I hope i didn't sound too harsh or anything :3

[TheAljavis]

JokeBlue has made some quite good points, and i'd like to add some things on top. Personally i think you could make the machinegun snares sound more human by using different velocities. The main volume of the drums (mainly the kick) really need to be taken down as well, they are causing massive volume spikes, making the rest of the track sound messy and barely audible. Making the kick sound audible can be done using post processing i.e. EQ, compression and a little bit of distortion (a really little bit though).
The guitar effect he talked about, i think that's just the type of distortion/amplification you're using, it sounds really fizzy and not really that heavy. Personally i like to use a high gain amp (peavey 6505, ENGL invader, Mesa/Boogie Dual Rectifier) with not too much gain (about 3), and use an overdrive in front (gain at somewhere between 0 and 2 and tone at around 9, 10).
I can't really add to your vocals, i don't really know anything about that haha.
The mix itself is pretty good, apart from the overpowering drums (kick mainly). On the master though you should use some post EQ and a multiband compressor to add more low end and more clarity (there's tons of tutorials about that, personally i think these ones are helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgr8nHCSOMs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VA2CUYOuXw).
Also use a limiter/maximizer to get the volume up where needed and make the track sound a little more at professional volume (which it is at, but not in a good way. Pre-master mixes should spike at like -2dB maximum).
I hope this is advice you can use, the composition itself was awesome haha. I hope i didn't sound too harsh or anything :3

Don't worry, you didn't sound harsh at all! I'm happy people can give their personal thoughts on my music. It will help make my future songs sound more professional, so I need all the critique I can get.