The hugging/venting thread

[ArisingFlame]

lol. It was three years ago. Bah

[Conduit]

Got a ticket yesterday for rolling through a stop sign that's going to take me two months to pay off. :(

[Facade]

that sucks i dont even have a car :C

anyways...

i feel so bottled up like i cant do anything right... no matter how hard i try or what i do i feel rejected and not appreciated at all

[Alycs]

So my mom has been yelling at me literally all day since before I was even awake this morning and decided that because I seemed to be working slower, I should have more work (perfectly logical) and she is having me work on more college essays (keep in mind I've already applied early to FIVE colleges, and normal apps aren't due for months), and just yelled at me that I didn't complete Princetons Five-page application today, so I just took the essay section and:



I honestly don't know whether it would be worth it; you have no idea how much I want to send this back to her and see her yell at me about this.

[Facade]

:'( so much feels... thats kinda what i did with cigarettes the nicotine helped me feel more relaxed about my fucked up self so i just smoked more and more every day... i wish it would stop... my mind feels like spaghetti in a bad way...

[Pickslide1992]

Time to resurrect the thread I began. First of all, I want to thank all of you for helping it get this big and help so many people. It does my heart good to know we all have each other's backs around here, this being one of the figureheads of that mantra.

But now the reason I come here after so long: I honestly feel like my brony music days are over. I've come to terms with the realization that it's not worth it to be "horse famous" as it were. I can bust my balls over trying to be the next best thing, but what will I have? A small speck of people who listen to me, and an even smaller following. Even those who have thousands of loyal listeners, that's still a small number, all things considered. I just don't think the forbidden fruit of fame is as sweet as I originally thought, so why even bother anymore?

I'm still a brony, and I still want to make music, but trying to get minor internet notoriety is no longer on my to-do list. If it happens, it happens, but if it doesn't, oh well. Who am I to upstage anyone? Let's be honest, I'm a nobody. It really sucks to be a nobody, but there's nothing I can do. I've taken off my brony blinders and focusing on other things, with the occasional pony related thing. I don't want to be pigeon-holed and typecast.

Which leads me to a bigger dilema: I feel like I'm being ignored by everyone I know. Everywhere I try to talk, I get pushed aside or ignored completely. It's like I'm unwanted and nobody cares. It hurts because these folks will be super friendly and act like they want to be friends, but I think it's a lie. I think it's a show, like of like a Truman Show situation. It feels fake.

[Pickslide1992]

I never wanted to be famous. It's always been a "It would be nice to have" sort of thing, but lately I've had these thoughts that maybe I should just give up and only do music for my own enjoyment, music for my own leisure, and maybe let close friends listen. I'm glad you think I'm a good guy, and I know I haven't been on here as much as I used to, but I just feel like the flame's dying down, but I don't want it to.

That's the reason I'm crying out for help: I don't want to give up. I don't want to be selfish and only make stuff for myself, I just want to entertain, but at the same time what's the point if nobody cares, or I have the illusion that nobody cares? I know it's not all about me, and I don't want it to be all about me, but I just want validation that I'm not wasting my time when I could be doing other things more worthwhile. I haven't made an original song in months, and most of what I've tried to make were failed experiments.

I feel like I should continue this via PM instead of flooding this thread with my filth.

[Ben]

I miss the feeling of being loved
I miss the feeling of contributing to this community

but most of all i miss
music whooves

seriously though Im missing this one girl alot

[ClaviSound]

I never wanted to be famous. It's always been a "It would be nice to have" sort of thing, but lately I've had these thoughts that maybe I should just give up and only do music for my own enjoyment, music for my own leisure, and maybe let close friends listen. I'm glad you think I'm a good guy, and I know I haven't been on here as much as I used to, but I just feel like the flame's dying down, but I don't want it to.

That's the reason I'm crying out for help: I don't want to give up. I don't want to be selfish and only make stuff for myself, I just want to entertain, but at the same time what's the point if nobody cares, or I have the illusion that nobody cares? I know it's not all about me, and I don't want it to be all about me, but I just want validation that I'm not wasting my time when I could be doing other things more worthwhile. I haven't made an original song in months, and most of what I've tried to make were failed experiments.

I feel like I should continue this via PM instead of flooding this thread with my filth.

When I first began making pony-relevant music (which was really the first time I began churning out music consistently), I thought I was on a fast track to get popular quick. I was aaaaall about the numbers. "What's the sub count?" was a question that wouldn't leave my mind.

I realized after meeting a couple of people last July that that's no way to make music; it's really a negative environment to make it in. You constantly work under this pressure of squeezing the most you can out of a song more than anything else, and it frazzles you.

So, I stopped making music for popularity, or viewers, or anything else, and made music for music's sake. And I never looked back.

If you truly have the desire within you to create, then it will act upon itself. Music for no one but music and myself is much more liberating and productive than the feeling of "I have to finish this because others want it."

So maybe I release a song, and it gets 1,000 views. That's cool with me. Maybe it gets 500. That's still cool with me. Or maybe it gets 50. Still cool with me. Or maybe I'm the only one who views it. And you know what? That's still cool with me, because I'm proud of myself for what I do and for the fact that I'm able to represent myself or something in my life in the form of art. I don't care if no one else sees it, because I learned something about myself.

Having people look at your videos is nice, I agree. It's always a wonderful feeling to touch the lives of others. But first, you have to touch the life of yourself. You have to look inside you, and write about what's there, what makes up what's there, where did it come from, where is it going, why, how, what...

Art, more than anything, is discovery: Discovery of the self, a representation of who you are. If music is what helps you grow as an individual, then you should take that passion and make it the very core of your being, and never let it go. If you feel that passion is best fulfilled sharing it with close friends, then you have my blessing. If you strive to have your music, your story, heard, then you also have my blessing. Whatever you feel that makes you, you, is the most important thing in your life, beyond money or anything silly like that; it's all up to you how you want to share it with others and affect their lives.

In short, the best music is that made for music's sake. It's important for you, the creator, to like it, moreso than an aim to seek anyone else's approval. If they happen to like it too, that's all good, but if you're making music you don't want to make, that demolishes the point of making it, in my humble opinion.

And don't think it's not worth bringing up. It's an important question every musician has to answer every day of their lives: "Why do I make music?" Some days, it's harder to answer than others.

[Facade]

i want to cry but i cant i want to be happy but i cant i just want to feel something other then depressed but i cant :\

[Pickslide1992]

I never wanted to be famous. It's always been a "It would be nice to have" sort of thing, but lately I've had these thoughts that maybe I should just give up and only do music for my own enjoyment, music for my own leisure, and maybe let close friends listen. I'm glad you think I'm a good guy, and I know I haven't been on here as much as I used to, but I just feel like the flame's dying down, but I don't want it to.

That's the reason I'm crying out for help: I don't want to give up. I don't want to be selfish and only make stuff for myself, I just want to entertain, but at the same time what's the point if nobody cares, or I have the illusion that nobody cares? I know it's not all about me, and I don't want it to be all about me, but I just want validation that I'm not wasting my time when I could be doing other things more worthwhile. I haven't made an original song in months, and most of what I've tried to make were failed experiments.

I feel like I should continue this via PM instead of flooding this thread with my filth.

When I first began making pony-relevant music (which was really the first time I began churning out music consistently), I thought I was on a fast track to get popular quick. I was aaaaall about the numbers. "What's the sub count?" was a question that wouldn't leave my mind.

I realized after meeting a couple of people last July that that's no way to make music; it's really a negative environment to make it in. You constantly work under this pressure of squeezing the most you can out of a song more than anything else, and it frazzles you.

So, I stopped making music for popularity, or viewers, or anything else, and made music for music's sake. And I never looked back.

If you truly have the desire within you to create, then it will act upon itself. Music for no one but music and myself is much more liberating and productive than the feeling of "I have to finish this because others want it."

So maybe I release a song, and it gets 1,000 views. That's cool with me. Maybe it gets 500. That's still cool with me. Or maybe it gets 50. Still cool with me. Or maybe I'm the only one who views it. And you know what? That's still cool with me, because I'm proud of myself for what I do and for the fact that I'm able to represent myself or something in my life in the form of art. I don't care if no one else sees it, because I learned something about myself.

Having people look at your videos is nice, I agree. It's always a wonderful feeling to touch the lives of others. But first, you have to touch the life of yourself. You have to look inside you, and write about what's there, what makes up what's there, where did it come from, where is it going, why, how, what...

Art, more than anything, is discovery: Discovery of the self, a representation of who you are. If music is what helps you grow as an individual, then you should take that passion and make it the very core of your being, and never let it go. If you feel that passion is best fulfilled sharing it with close friends, then you have my blessing. If you strive to have your music, your story, heard, then you also have my blessing. Whatever you feel that makes you, you, is the most important thing in your life, beyond money or anything silly like that; it's all up to you how you want to share it with others and affect their lives.

In short, the best music is that made for music's sake. It's important for you, the creator, to like it, moreso than an aim to seek anyone else's approval. If they happen to like it too, that's all good, but if you're making music you don't want to make, that demolishes the point of making it, in my humble opinion.

And don't think it's not worth bringing up. It's an important question every musician has to answer every day of their lives: "Why do I make music?" Some days, it's harder to answer than others.

That's what I'm realizing, but the thing is I'm never truly satisfied with anything I put out, but on the other hand I hear that's a good thing in musicians, that they're never satisfied with what they write. Remember the phrase "True art is never finished, but abandoned." My problem is I have a terrible self esteem and something another guy might like of mine, I feel it's a piece of shit because I hear something missing or something I felt was overdone, even if another musician or regular guy say it's perfect.

I'm just too hard on myself, I suppose, which explains why I have mountains of unused ideas which sounded good in my head, but when executed, sounded like a synthesized infant puking to death.

[ExoBassTix]

My friends have been torturing me with caps.
Frankly, it frustrates me more than a whole lot of other things.
Like, it's worse than continuous shatnertexting.

I don't know. Can't blame them for not knowing, but I do blame them for not stopping after I tell them to. Even though I don't explain them why, but then again I don't know why it bothers me so myself.

I can't explain this feeling but it's excruciating.

If you reply in caps you can go die in hell.

[TranquilHooves]

IT'S OK
MAYBE
YOU SHOULDN'T
GET IRRITATED
OVER SUCH
SMALL THINGS

[Viricide Filly]

Sometimes I feel like a real asshole.
I tend to hold these particular grudges. Like, these people hold a special place in my heart for being an absolute hypertwat. And then I never seem to shut up about them. Like sometimes I just wanna let them go. It's worst when I have to co-exist with them. Some people in IRC chats (pony hypno and stuff) are just so..passive aggressive and just ugh I wanna smash their faces in with an iron phallus but instead I go off on one at them, try and bitch them out, and then they make me feel like shit
I just want the ability to leave some twats to be twats and go and be a twat elsewhere my own way.

But something just constantly irks at the back of my mind like "These people are assholes, Holly. You must become the bigger asshole and out-asshole them" and that's not the damn way to go about things. I'm constantly trying to one-up the people that I hate, while consciously insulting myself for being such a prick about it. It's not the way to go, and I know that, but I can't help myself.

[ExoBassTix]

Second vent of the day.
Great.

When I first came here, I saw this place as a happy, friendly board. As Pinkie says, caring and sharing. I was attracted by that force. As were many others, I assume.
My inage of this board, my feelings towards it, have been stained over time. Of course, it happens everywhere. But that doesn't mean I didn't expect better from you guys. I thought you guys were mature enough to know how weak it is to kill someone off and degrade yourselves by engaging flamewars. I thought you guys were mature enough to take words from other members serious, and not stomp them in the ground with harsh comments for personal benefit (be it having a good laugh about someone else's weakness or just getting a kick out of it or WHATEVER).
I know that a lot of you are innocent, but these people affect my general image of the whole board.

It sickens me that people can just mercilessly slaughter the self-confidence of other members by mocking at their issues and think they're funny.



When I asked my friends to stop, they would reply with "I'M SORRY DUDE I REALLY CAN'T FIND IT" and I'd just ask it once again, I'd get "COME ON MAN STOP THAT I REALLY CAN'T FIND IT" as reply.
When I left, I got "oh here I found it" back.

This made me feel like people don't take me serious. That I'm just a joke to them. Just another dramaqueen that keeps on ranting about THIS TRACK IS GOOD and OH GOD LISTEN THIS TRACK and so on.
And when I explain them afterwards, they immediately sense how cross I am/was with them. Go on edge, thinking they'd hurt me again if only for one wrong word. And when they do use a wrong word, they immediately cover it up with apologies about how they didn't meant to upset me.
They become silent. Distanced.
Cold.



Sometimes I just want to give up on this world.

I've tried to solve arguments on this forum before. Quite a few if I'm not mistaken. And my memories tell me that most I was able to solve. I'd make people happy again, which would only get me happier as well. Putting smiles on people's faces (or texts) is what makes me happy.

But how in the world can I even try to approach people like this?

Times like these make me lose faith in humanity. That we're all gonna die because there are people who seek arguments which turn into massive conflicts which turn into war. Which makes me realize that I have no effect on people like that.

Times like these - when all of this combines and nestles deep in my mind - make me lose faith in myself.



Notice how I haven't attacked any person in particular. I should be mad as fuck at TranquilHooves (or other people who my text above is about), not give him a chance to redeem himself, but I'm that forgiving. I'm at war with myself. Morals fighting morals. Thoughts against thoughts (can you tell I'm an Embrionyc fangirl?). I don't know what to think, what to say, making me ramble. Somehow though, rambling like this tends to get the most words out of me. I don't lie just like that. I draw links with other things I said, and find my way back to sanity. Sometimes insanity is required to get my thoughts both out there for you guys to realize, and on a row in my head so I can breathe again and restore my faith.



EDIT - now that my ramble stroke has ended, let me get this straight.
TranquilHooves, don't ever do that again.

[ExoBassTix]

Sometimes I feel like a real asshole.
I tend to hold these particular grudges. Like, these people hold a special place in my heart for being an absolute hypertwat. And then I never seem to shut up about them. Like sometimes I just wanna let them go. It's worst when I have to co-exist with them. Some people in IRC chats (pony hypno and stuff) are just so..passive aggressive and just ugh I wanna smash their faces in with an iron phallus but instead I go off on one at them, try and bitch them out, and then they make me feel like shit
I just want the ability to leave some twats to be twats and go and be a twat elsewhere my own way.

But something just constantly irks at the back of my mind like "These people are assholes, Holly. You must become the bigger asshole and out-asshole them" and that's not the damn way to go about things. I'm constantly trying to one-up the people that I hate, while consciously insulting myself for being such a prick about it. It's not the way to go, and I know that, but I can't help myself.

I know exactly what you mean.
I've had it a lobg time myself, with the only difference being that my insults against the others were all imaginary (and a bit more twisted), and I'd feel horrible about myself.
In my case, I still have it, only without the feeling horrible. I'd accepted that I have a twisted imagination.
But your case is something else.

An important question is: have you learned from the bad things the people and you yourself said?
I've learned it all by making the wrong decisions myself. Saying the wrong things. Try to find for yourself what is a good thing to do when a prick says something wrong. Stay out of it at the right times. Be mature like you are.

Focus on not lowering yourself to their level. And if you can, help the pricks realize they're pricks in a mature way that only you know since it's you who is telling them, not me, not them, not your parents or friends, but you.

You can do it :)

[Pickslide1992]

Welp, I'm back with another problem. Some of you may or may not know that I suffer from depression, which means when I get down, I really get down and discouraged. You could say that I'm feeling that way as I type this. I recently found out that I might bomb a class just a few points shy of passing and that completely send me into a defeated state. I just want to crawl in a hole and die at this point, because I cannot bare to live in a world where I failed a class.

I know you're thinking I'm being dramatic and maybe I have exaggerated a bit, but I've always been a star student, so a blemish of this nature is enough to make me contemplate extreme self-inflicted pain. For the record, I am on medication, but frankly I'm not even sure if it's working. I honestly feel like doing terrible things to myself because of this, and it had to happen around Christmas of all times. Will you look at that, I can give myself the gift of failure, shame, and even bruises.

[Berri]

My friends have been torturing me with caps.
Frankly, it frustrates me more than a whole lot of other things.
Like, it's worse than continuous shatnertexting.

I don't know. Can't blame them for not knowing, but I do blame them for not stopping after I tell them to. Even though I don't explain them why, but then again I don't know why it bothers me so myself.

I can't explain this feeling but it's excruciating.

If you reply in caps you can go die in hell.

if your talking to me, sorry. i didn't realise it was such a big thing for you.

[Magnitude Zero]

Welp, I'm back with another problem. Some of you may or may not know that I suffer from depression, which means when I get down, I really get down and discouraged. You could say that I'm feeling that way as I type this. I recently found out that I might bomb a class just a few points shy of passing and that completely send me into a defeated state. I just want to crawl in a hole and die at this point, because I cannot bare to live in a world where I failed a class.

I know you're thinking I'm being dramatic and maybe I have exaggerated a bit, but I've always been a star student, so a blemish of this nature is enough to make me contemplate extreme self-inflicted pain. For the record, I am on medication, but frankly I'm not even sure if it's working. I honestly feel like doing terrible things to myself because of this, and it had to happen around Christmas of all times. Will you look at that, I can give myself the gift of failure, shame, and even bruises.

Don't ever feel like you're being too dramatic by discussing your problems with friends. Depression is beyond awful, as I'm sure you know, but the only way you'll be able to find your way out of it is if you continue to be open and honest. Even if you feel like someone else's problems are more severe than your own, that doesn't mean that yours don't exist.

Failing a class is rough - this is one thing that I can actually say from experience. It feels like a lot of time and effort has been totally wasted, and you generally feel pretty bad about yourself. Maybe it's a subject that you just don't get. Maybe the work feels menial and tedious and you find it difficult to get done. Let me tell you something: almost everyone has had at least one class like that. For most people it seems to be math. For me, it was history. Just could not do it. I like history, but memorizing what seemed to be the most arbitrary of historical dates and figures day after day? Not really my thing. It was hard enough to do without depression, without that complete and total apathy towards everything. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be for someone with depression.

What I'm trying to say is please don't let this one class get you down to the point of self-harm. There are tons of people out there, myself included, who failed class after class and had absolutely no excuse. If you've managed to maintain "star student" status on top of an emotional illness defined by utter uncaringness and total lack of motivation to do ANYTHING, then you have every right to be proud of yourself. Because that is damn impressive. It really sucks to fail a class, and it's perfectly healthy to feel a bit bad about it, but please don't hurt yourself over it. There are always people here who will care about you and want to help you if you're in a rough spot, so please stay open and don't bottle up your problems.

If you feel like you're on the edge and need some help, post here and/or send me a Skype message (blindbaker49). If I'm around I'll do my best to help you however I can. I'm not all that good at words, but I can, at the very least, promise I won't judge you or call you dramatic or tell you to toughen up or anything like that.

EDIT: If you don't mind me asking: what sort of medication are you taking?

[Pickslide1992]

I'm taking Aprazolam. A rather low dosage since I also take Librax for IBS.

[itroitnyah]

Computers are really fucking frustrating me.

I just built a computer the other day and got it all set up. There were no hardware errors, as far as I can discern. Which is good. I got it started up, got W7 installed, and everything appeared to be going smoothly. Only one thing though, the fans were noisy as hell because they were on max speed. I finally found out how to fix this, but the problem is that when I save the settings and then restart the computer, the settings go back to default, and so far there's no way to fix it, and there are no solutions on google that I've found so far. I've contacted MSI to see if they have any solutions, so I'm waiting for a response, but I've heard that I may have to RMA the board, which would really fucking piss me off.

And on my computer, the wireless internet adapter is a piece of shit, netgear can go fuck themselves. Moreover, whenever I try to connect another item to any of the usb ports on the back of my computer, all of the other ports seem to shut down and I get disconnected from the internet as well as my audio interface shutting down, so I have to be sure that I turn off my monitors before hand so that they don't pop like 20 billion times while I'm hooking stuff up and out.

What the fuck is it with me and computers? Why the hell is it that I always seem to get shitty parts or problems with my computer? When I go onto pcpartpicker, nobody else seems to be having these problems, it seems like I'm the only one who's getting either shitty parts or shitty software with problems I can't fucking solve. FML

[Facade]

i built mine and it worked perfectly which is surprising seeing how i almost always fuck up electronics

[itroitnyah]

Ok, I've pretty much calmed down over my computer issues (except the netgear part. Fuck you, netgear). I got a response from the MSI customer support, and they said that the software is operating like it's supposed to. Pretty shitty, but I guess I'll deal with it. Whatever.

[caprix snare]

A girl i broke up with is trying to get back with me , i don't wan't to get back with her and i feel really bad. i feel like faking my death and forming a new identity. :s

[Acsii]

Just tell her the truth... and if you feel like it use this line "There was a reason we broke up"