(If the embed is broken just follow the link below it, that should work too.)
I have one thing left to do in the instrumental of the track, but I am primarily here again today because of vocals! This is the first time I've ever attempted to do my own vocals, and I'm really not sure how I've done. I have very little knowledge on recording and producing vocals, and my phrasing and tonality, to me, sounds pretty off in sections like the verses and the bridge.
SpoilerLYRICS:
Dawn Breaker We are far much more than this façade that we present to you The Wonderbolts A public lie to hide from you the things that we defend against with Wings of steel Slashing through the forces of the Changelings and the evil for Celestia We would take on anything that strikes a blow to harmony
We fall like angels from the sky Through dragons breath and demons blade we’ll fight (we’ll fight), for- We are Celestia’s finest We’ll break the sky-scape like the dawn We are the flame in the darkness We are, We are the elite
Taking flight We’d surpass our limits as the power within all of us was Shining Bright But our legacies are dying as their memories are fading of who We once were The first and last bastion between discord and a perfect world but Now we are Caught up in the reality of our crepuscularity
Can we relearn the ways of old Where we flew and fought for more than petty gold? We subdued dragons with these hands But in our dying flame can we reclaim our place in this land?
We were Celestia’s finest We broke the skyscape like the dawn We were the light in the darkness We were, but what are we now?
Oh!
Our Lives, Our Call Our wings are the ones that shape our souls We stand united and we stand forever
Our Rise, Your Fall Like the sun we will rise and break the dawn On wings of lightning we shall pierce the heavens
Things won’t ever be the same They won’t forget the reason why the Wonderbolts have their name
We are Celestia’s finest We break the sky-scape like the dawn We are a flame for the hopeless We are, we are the elite We are the elite
I really want to just hurry up and finish it so I can call it finished and move on. But I don't want to finish and release it when it could still be better. If I want to drop it and leave it, I really need to do so in a way in which I can look back at it and be happy with almost everything I've done rather than wishing I did this part this or that part differently/properly.
But yeah updates please tell me what you think if you don't mind :3
SpoilerThis stuff is old Hat.:
Okay! So! I have finally started moving towards finishing a song - (AAAAAAAA) I know, I know, it's been quite a long time... but now things are starting to get rolling and stuff is happening again!
I've been working on this song for the last couple of weeks, and it's still in the WIP stages with a lot to left to do, but in terms of structuring and writing (apart from lyrics, though they shouldnt be too hard) it's almost done.
In this WIP, there are parts (namely the bridge) where the bassline hasn't been finished in terms of recording.
List of things I am aware of: - Unfinished basslines from 4:30 - 5:26 - An impossible to actually play drum part just before 1:42 - Possibly too quiet harmony in the Chorus parts (1:42 - 2:00) - Bass line that needs rerecording at 4:30 - Possibly different rhythm for the guitars during the section that starts at 4:35 - Very sloppy lead guitar solo type thing that needs rererecording on four different tracks...
List of things I am aware of but also not sure how to fix: - A funny little click on where I chopped the recording in the Intro at about 0:21 - Odd transition between the clean section of the intro and the heavy section, where the tempo changes from 100bpm to 104bpm. - Possibly odd transition between verse and chorus (2:20) - The first part of the bridge from 4:12 - 4:30. I really like this section but it feels weird going into from the chorus, and I can't get the tempo for the section to sound right. It's currently 104bpm to 108bpm. And then there's the drum line underneath it. I don't know if i'm liking how much Crash I put into it. What's even worse is the transition from that section to the next at 4:30. I'm really not sure how to get that right. I don't know, maybe if I can get that part after it to sound right, ill delete this part and replace it with that part after it? - The section after with the lead guitar harmonys sound off to me. I really love that part and want to keep it, but it just sounds too differently done in relation to the rest of the song. I initially had the lead lines as one single track each but both panned to the center like all the other lead lines in the song, but it wasn't enough so I double tracked them and added delay to one set. Even then, they still sound weird compared to everything else in the song... Not sure what to do with them. - Possibly odd transition between the last chorus and the reintroduced bridge part at the end? - Definitely odd transition between reintroduced bridge part and the concluding verse at the end.
Any help or feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm kind of unsure whether it sounds alright, cos I've heard it like a bajillion times since I started on it so my ears have probably slowly become numb to any problems that I otherwise should be aware of.
OH also this is the first time I've ever programmed/tracked my own drums instead of using protools loops. So any feedback on the drum lines or anything would be amazing
Last edited by Jokeblue on 26 Jun 2014 00:59, edited 1 time in total.
Not too into or familiar with this type of metal but I'll provide what I can. The beginning is very cool, I listened to it numerous times, so good job there, but I think you should have faded the drums and everything else in a little slower, just to get that slow but cool build feel.
To address your concerns: Mostly just troubleshooting, but it's the best I can do since I am not familiar with your DAW, or whatever it is you use to make music. 1.You could probably do a volume automation or something, quick enough to take out that click but also so the melody is continued, or you could put on bleeding on it, not too sure if that's an option in your DAW, but that's pretty much all I got. 2. I'm not too sure what you could do about that, are you working with recorded samples? if you are then you could possibly change the tempo of the sample but don't stretch or compress it any, that way it could be a consistent tempo. 3. doesn't sound that odd to me, not sure what to suggest other than trying to rearrange some things. 4.That tempo thing again? I'm not too sure what to do really, I have no experience with your music making thing so I really can't be of much assistance, I would only try what I suggested before, but if that doesn't apply to your music making thing I would try what you said. Maybe take out some crashes and see how you like it, it's pretty much all how you like it, I don't want to force my opinions onto others works. 5.drums sound a little to fast at 5:17 to me but it's not a big deal. I think the lead sounds fine, quite nice actually. I think it mixes pretty well with the next verse, but again, my ear isn't exactly attuned to this genre. 6&7. At this point I think you just need to spend some more time arranging your samples or patterns or something, If the transitions are off or tempo radically decides to change, then it's either a recording problem, pace problem, arrangement problem, or satan himself. When it comes to those things, it's pretty much on you and how you composed the samples or patterns.
I'm sorry I'm not of very much help when it comes to the arrangement and stuff, but I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this and I feel like it's some of the nicest metal I've listened to, and that if you could get some lyrics in there and fix the issues with this, I would say that this would be good enough for EQD spotlight! But that's just my opinion. Good luck with this and I hope you are able to finish it.
Thanks for all that feedback Guthey :3 I posted a thankee thing but it wasn't in this thread so there was probably alot less chance you saw it so i'mma repost it here. "(Guthey if by chance you see this please know that your review for my other song Dawnbreaker (the Death metal WIP) really really helped and I've been able to fix a lot of the problems I had with it, but I havent had the time to keep working on it and update the thread so I might update it when I have something a little more substantial than little error fixes.)"
And so here we are, with something a little more substantial to post.
Alrighty! Been awhile again but I am back with an update for this.
(If the embed is broken just follow the link below it, that should work too.)
I have one thing left to do in the instrumental of the track, but I am primarily here again today because of vocals! This is the first time I've ever attempted to do my own vocals, and I'm really not sure how I've done. I have very little knowledge on recording and producing vocals, and my phrasing and tonality, to me, sounds pretty off in sections like the verses and the bridge.
SpoilerLYRICS:
Dawn Breaker We are far much more than this façade that we present to you The Wonderbolts A public lie to hide from you the things that we defend against with Wings of steel Slashing through the forces of the Changelings and the evil for Celestia We would take on anything that strikes a blow to harmony
We fall like angels from the sky Through dragons breath and demons blade we’ll fight (we’ll fight), for- We are Celestia’s finest We’ll break the sky-scape like the dawn We are the flame in the darkness We are, We are the elite
Taking flight We’d surpass our limits as the power within all of us was Shining Bright But our legacies are dying as their memories are fading of who We once were The first and last bastion between discord and a perfect world but Now we are Caught up in the reality of our crepuscularity
Can we relearn the ways of old Where we flew and fought for more than petty gold? We subdued dragons with these hands But in our dying flame can we reclaim our place in this land?
We were Celestia’s finest We broke the skyscape like the dawn We were the light in the darkness We were, but what are we now?
Oh!
Our Lives, Our Call Our wings are the ones that shape our souls We stand united and we stand forever
Our Rise, Your Fall Like the sun we will rise and break the dawn On wings of lightning we shall pierce the heavens
Things won’t ever be the same They won’t forget the reason why the Wonderbolts have their name
We are Celestia’s finest We break the sky-scape like the dawn We are a flame for the hopeless We are, we are the elite We are the elite
I really want to just hurry up and finish it so I can call it finished and move on. But I don't want to finish and release it when it could still be better. If I want to drop it and leave it, I really need to do so in a way in which I can look back at it and be happy with almost everything I've done rather than wishing I did this part this or that part differently/properly.
But yeah updates please tell me what you think if you don't mind :3
What I hear is that the vocals are a bit too loud in the mix. I'm om a gaming headset, so it might just be that it messes with the balance.
Regarding your delivery: I think you need more power in your voice. And some variation would go a long way here. Try to change it up to include some screams and/or pigsqueals, if you're able. Right now it sounds a bit like a blanket of bass hitting my ears. I want this to be more, if you understand.
I would also suggest exaggerating the splosive sounds more when hitting the beat and starting a new line. This could give your vocal track more dynamics and help create contrast to break up the blanket feel.
AIght, so it must be my monitors affecting my mix... they seem to hate highs and vocals. I'll fix up the leveling.
Yeah I was a little worried about how I pretty much only used lows... I wanted to do highs for the bridge section, and listening to it again now I can hear a bunch of places that could have benefit from them too. A lot of this was recorded/rerecorded to meet a deadline, too, so parts of it was just me trying to do or redo things a little better than they were for when I handed it in (I've been writing it as a uni assignment for last semester). Unfortunately that led to me just doing a flat version of the bridge and some other parts. I'm not entirely sure where i'm at with my higher screams at the moment either, haven't done them for a while. I'll definitely give em a shot though.
And for that last part, you mean like make it a more emotive? Sure I can try do that. My song writing teacher at uni was worried about my genre choice and kept stressing pronunciation/clarity/audible lyrics, so I guess I got a little wrapped up in doing just that.
Thanks for the feedback, i'll try put it all into use. I totally want this to be more, too :3
Audible lyrics are more of a bonus when it comes to these types of vocals. What you want is for your voice to be an instrument of rhythm, kinda like your drums, and take it from there. Rhythm and power are your number one priorities. Everything else sorta falls behind that
