Oh man, I love the bgvs in the chorus. Pretty magical, and very 60s sound.
A few of the rhymes in the first verse are unfortunate, "grey, day, ok" just seem really trite and over-used to me. I love your style and production,, though.
The One Galen, lead singer and guitarist of The Wonderbolts! Youtube Bandcamp
I agree with guitarfan about the first few lines, but I really like the rest of the lyrics in the verse.
1:51 - the chorus coming in is awesome!
I feel like some of the rhymes are a little forced. Keeping good timing and not cramming too many syllables into a line, and having the lines just make sense is more important than rhyme in my opinion. If you work too hard to make absolutely everything rhyme, the lyrics might lose some impact and feel less genuine.
Over all, I really did like it though, and for the most part the lyrics were great. Great work!