[Ponyish][Hip Hop] Champion of Day (Bringer of the Sun)

[Stu Beef]

Alright! Been sitting on this for a couple of months and now I've finally finished it. I'm still in that bad habit of writing lines that are difficult to deliver (pro-tip: don't put w and r sounds next to each other) but I think I'm finding my voice a little better. The main instrumental is of course, not mine (i don't technology good), but let me know what y'all think of the whole package.

[bigBerd]

Sounds good. Your flow is on-point and the emotion you put behind your words is very fitting.

Sometimes I find it hard to understand what you're saying, like there's too much going on in your bars and I only catch a few words at a time. Believe me, it's hard to find a balance between saying too much and your message being too simple. I'd have to say the best part of the rap was around 3:00. The bars around there are well-constructed and supported by a killer flow.

The hook is just confusing though. Didn't really get much out of that. How much of it did you have a hand in?

[Stu Beef]

The hook's all me; you can check out the original instrumental and compare to see the very slight things I did with it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G232tQF6ohw.

Thanks for the feed, and I totally get where you're coming from: communicating clearly tends to be difficult for me. That being said, I generally try to convey a sense of purpose/intent there; I don't exactly want to be easily understood by the audience. I know that's kinda getting away from the history of the genre, but I guess I'm just taking "hidden" messages to the next level by being totally incoherent (ha). I'll honestly look at a line and think to my self "man, this is way too easy to understand. How can I be more cryptic/esoteric?" , as dumb as that is. I'm not trying to be super out there though. I think it's possible to dig through and find something.

e. A better explanation would be...I want my music to be like an ogre: it should have layers.
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Getting caught up on words isn't on purpose though. I just need to practice more on that.