Please, rate my first song.

[zeon]

Hello everybody/pony! I'm Zeon. You can call me however you want.

Anyway, I'm new in this forum and new in music. I just finished my first full song and i wanted you to rate it and tell me whats wrong with it and what should i do to improve.

but first: the song has nothing to do with ponies. i just wanted to show you this song so you can help me improve. and since i really like brony music, i thought that you could help me.


here's the song(I don't know how to use soundcloud):


if you liked the song, here's the download link:
http://www.mediafire.com/?fs1gligtujwtcct

Sorry for my bad English and sorry if this topic bored you or if a chose the wrong category.

[LoreRD]

It's not the style of music that I usually listen to, so I'm unwilling to give it a rating. However, some things can be improved. While the instruments themselves sound clean, it feels somewhat empty at times. Maybe add more instruments to flesh it out? Also, (probably because it's the genre) it's pretty repetitive throughout. Another thing is that it ends kinda oddly (not quite fitting with the rest of the song and kind of abruptly).
Other than that, though, it sounded pretty nice. The instruments themselves were good and you came up with a memorable riff.

[dastrdlyW]

Okay, first post for me here.

Anyway, for me, the intro was too long. 30 seconds of a kick drum and clap with nothing else going on left it feeling empty for quite a while. Being that your song is about 5 minutes, with 30 seconds in a minute that means 10% of the song. I'd either cut the intro in half or put something else in the background to grab our attention (Both?). But don't introduce it in the beginning, otherwise you'd end up with the same problem.

It also seemed kinda repetitive. It was the same riff for a great majority of the song.

The ending confused me for some reason. It feels sudden, but at the same time it kinda works. For me, I'm just thinking a cymbal fade might fix that. But that's just me.

For a first song, this was good I think. But it needs a bit of work.

Hope I helped!

[Cherax]

I agree with everything in both of the above posts, but most importantly... where's the bass?
Everything will sound about 20,000% cooler with a good bassline. It'll fill out your sound, and help define your key changes. Don't forget to side-chain it to the drums for extra pizazz!