<pony> <original> A Bedtime Story for Spike (Waltz)

[Docinterlude]

I created this piece a quite some time now. I wanted to post it here for criticism and advice. I want your personal opinion in this piece. I have created 2 Versions so far. I might create a third soon.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/273 ... 0Piano.mp3

Plot: The piece represents spike (almost in his sleep...)and that twilight told him a story about dragons. Soon that'll he become a bigger Dragon and he'll have to departure in the horizon. In the meanwhile the song is fit to capture when spike is going to adventure in the Horizon and Twilight Sparkle says good bye to him.

Era: Expressionism and Minimalism.

Key Signature: B Major

Time Signature: 3/4

Instruments: Piano and Trumpet in Bb.

[CitricAcid]

The mood certainly befits Spike. I can picture Spike waltzing in his sleep with an invisible partner to it. My main gripe is that the piece doesn't seem to go anywhere. Shouldn't it get more exciting when Spike sees himself as a big dragon? Or sad when he has to leave? What about his awkward teenage years?

Nonetheless, it made me think of this piece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB3qchkzxHI

[Docinterlude]

The mood certainly befits Spike. I can picture Spike waltzing in his sleep with an invisible partner to it. My main gripe is that the piece doesn't seem to go anywhere. Shouldn't it get more exciting when Spike sees himself as a big dragon? Or sad when he has to leave? What about his awkward teenage years?

Nonetheless, it made me think of this piece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB3qchkzxHI

That is whole point when I said minimalism. It doesn't need to go anywhere, Erik Satie wrote some songs which is just a repetition over and over and over and over . Same thing like Debussy. Debussy created a few songs which seem to be fine at the start but then at the later stage, the mood is completely diferent than when it started, nothing like the beginning.

I pictured this piece to be more of a departure of spike as an young adult, so that explains the major 7th chords and 6th Chords. When the piece ends on its structural sudden, in this case the final fade out, which means Spike has left completely in the horizon and he finally went deep asleep. I wanted to capture the mood part of the feelings that human as with instrumentation.

Here is another thing, the timbre does seem to fit the atmosphere like you said but since this is minimalism and expressionism... It doesn't need to be like Classical or Romantic, which you start and then finalize it. No! Quite the opposite with the modern ages. I have heard, Erik Satie's Gnossiene Nº 1, 2 , 4 and 6. Their uni-directional way seems quite airy! His songs are like hair. They may go to one place, but that place is the place we haven't thought, the same progression over and over!

You might think and say? Where is your argument or where you want to go with this... All that I can say, is to search deep in your feelings and emotions.

Cheers,

Docinterlude

[CitricAcid]

Alright, it seems that we are coming from very different points of view in regards to criticism. In order to get us both on the same page, would you be willing to try something for me?

How would you, as a listener, criticize this piece? You said that you wrote it some time ago, so it should be eaiser to listen to the piece objectively than if you had just finished writing it yesterday.

This will give me a better idea of what sort of criticism you're expecting.

[Docinterlude]

Alright, it seems that we are coming from very different points of view in regards to criticism. In order to get us both on the same page, would you be willing to try something for me?

How would you, as a listener, criticize this piece? You said that you wrote it some time ago, so it should be eaiser to listen to the piece objectively than if you had just finished writing it yesterday.

This will give me a better idea of what sort of criticism you're expecting.

1- I can criticize the piece this way... It is not my top work. I have created better songs in the past. I created this piece a quite few time ago, maybe around almost 2 or 3 months. I have the file when I created it. I created because I was feeling a certain emotion.

2- I agree with you. You always need to listen to piece objectively, what is he trying to achieve with that piece or is the piece really what he wanted? Is the piece following Composition Structure or was it hear created? This Objective questions should be frequent, and I love them. It shows the audacity of a person, who can try to form a logical point of view. Is this piece following a vast knowledge of music theory? What are the instruments in that section of the orchestra? Why didn't he use the Woodwinds in that piece? If you finished writing something yesterday is diferent than composing something that was months ago. You are always improving and look further on your work and reportoire. There IS always room for improvement!

I am not sure if this is what you asked, but I'm glad to help.

[CitricAcid]

Alright, it seems that we are coming from very different points of view in regards to criticism. In order to get us both on the same page, would you be willing to try something for me?

How would you, as a listener, criticize this piece? You said that you wrote it some time ago, so it should be eaiser to listen to the piece objectively than if you had just finished writing it yesterday.

This will give me a better idea of what sort of criticism you're expecting.

1- I can criticize this piece in this way. It is not my top work. I have created better songs in the past. I created this piece a quite few time ago, maybe around almost 2 or 3 months. I have the file when I created it.

2- I agree with you. You always need to listen to piece objectively, what is he trying to achieve with that piece or is the piece really what he wanted? Is the piece following Composition Structure or was it hear created? This Objective questions should be frequent, and I love them. It shows the audacity of a person, who can try to form a logical point of view. Is this piece following a vast knowledge of music theory? What are the instruments in that section of the orchestra? Why didn't you use the Woodwinds in that piece?

I am not sure if this is what you asked, but I'm glad to help.

I was actually hoping that you would tell me a specific improvement that you thought your piece needed. All of us think that our past work isn't as good as our current work. What do you hear in your piece that you think needs improving?

For the record, you won't see comments/critiques on one's "vast knowledge of music theory" here. Leave that for your music professors at school.

[Docinterlude]

I think that the trumpet could use some tweaking. The piano could use more difficulty, but I want to keep it a bit simple, since I was trying to head towards simplistic minimalism. The rhythym too, more rhythym variations, so it isn't very plain but this song is supposed to be dream, a story... so very complexed rhythyms are out. I am not sure about the timbre, I think the Timbre is fine, but in regards of the instruments, they could have something else to vary.

[CitricAcid]

I think that the trumpet could use some tweaking. The piano could use more difficulty, but I want to keep it a bit simple, since I was trying to head towards simplistic minimalism. The rhythym too, more rhythym variations, so it isn't very plain but this song is supposed to be dream, a story... so very complexed rhythyms are out. I am not sure about the timbre, I think the Timbre is fine, but in regards of the instruments, they could have something else to vary.

It sounds like you were having difficulty keeping it within the "minimalism" criteria. If you are trying to tell a story with it, I would suggest venturing outside the minimalist domain. There's no real reason to force it to be minimalism unless you're doing it just for practice.

[Docinterlude]

An interesting fact is that in this piece I used a lot of Erik Satie Harmony references, and maybe a Debussy reference Somewhere ^^