<pony><wip><orchestral><original> MiJyn - ANGEL! (WIP 5)

[MiJyn]

hi ^^

could anyone let me know what they think of this? I know there's something terrible with the ending, but I can't figure out what it is >.< (and yes, I'm aware that the vocals are terribly extracted lol).... I would really appreciate any constructive feedback on this!

https://soundcloud.com/mijyn/angel-wip-5

[Callenby]

Hi, welcome to the forum!

The first thing I would critique is the repetition. It's really just the two chords over and over. Even if you completely intend to base the entire thing off of the same chord progression you may want to add a few more chords to it to make it more interesting for the listener. If you're really intent on using just the same chords I would recommend doing quite a bit more to mask it. Change inversions, modulate to different keys, vary up the rhythm, etc.

The drums sounded way too busy when they came in. In fact, it almost felt like they were playing in a different time signature than the rest of the piece. That sort of thing could certainly work, but only if used wisely and with a clear pattern. Try dialing that back some because it seems like you are wanting the whole piece to have a slow yet steady buildup and making the drums more in beat with the other parts will help with that.

During the second half the high strings get a lot busier while the low strings just play the same thing (in this way it's like Pachelbel's Canon in D which, unfortunately, is not good news). Try giving the low parts something more energetic to match the high parts. Strings are capable of many different techniques, so make use of that. Imagine that you're writing for a real orchestra. Would they be happy with the parts you've given them, or would they ask for something more diverseified?

Dynamics. Please add more of them. A surprising amount of emotion can be lost simply because the musician didn't make full use of dynamics. The vocals also need work, but you already knew that. Personally, I don't think sampled voices suit this type of orchestral very well but that's your call.

You also mention the ending needing work and I agree there as well. It's pretty clear you want everything to reach a climax but I was starting to get lost because of how busy it got. Again, the drums are way too active. If your drums lose track then so will the listener. They're there (most of the time) to maintain the beat and keep everything grounded.

I hope at least some of that was helpful and didn't scare you away from MLR.

[MiJyn]

Hi, welcome to the forum!

The first thing I would critique is the repetition. It's really just the two chords over and over. Even if you completely intend to base the entire thing off of the same chord progression you may want to add a few more chords to it to make it more interesting for the listener. If you're really intent on using just the same chords I would recommend doing quite a bit more to mask it. Change inversions, modulate to different keys, vary up the rhythm, etc.

Hmm, interesting idea, thanks!! I'm not sure whether I'm going to do it or not though... I'll definitely put in more dynamic variations, but I'm not sure about changing it too much... I like the idea of having only one pattern in the bass strings, not really changing.

The drums sounded way too busy when they came in. In fact, it almost felt like they were playing in a different time signature than the rest of the piece. That sort of thing could certainly work, but only if used wisely and with a clear pattern. Try dialing that back some because it seems like you are wanting the whole piece to have a slow yet steady buildup and making the drums more in beat with the other parts will help with that.

Thanks!! I knew something sounded wrong... I'll change it =D

During the second half the high strings get a lot busier while the low strings just play the same thing (in this way it's like Pachelbel's Canon in D which, unfortunately, is not good news). Try giving the low parts something more energetic to match the high parts. Strings are capable of many different techniques, so make use of that. Imagine that you're writing for a real orchestra. Would they be happy with the parts you've given them, or would they ask for something more diverseified?

Hmm.... I was trying to make it a tiny bit more like hans zimmer... the bass is almost always the same, however, it continues to build (especially the higher section)... but.. hmm... maybe I should add some extra things to the lower register... but I like the low strings as they are.

Dynamics. Please add more of them. A surprising amount of emotion can be lost simply because the musician didn't make full use of dynamics.

Thanks!! I will do!

The vocals also need work, but you already knew that. Personally, I don't think sampled voices suit this type of orchestral very well but that's your call.

Hmm right... I'll consider that, thanks!!

You also mention the ending needing work and I agree there as well. It's pretty clear you want everything to reach a climax but I was starting to get lost because of how busy it got. Again, the drums are way too active. If your drums lose track then so will the listener. They're there (most of the time) to maintain the beat and keep everything grounded.

Thanks a lot, that was pretty much exactly what I needed to know for the ending!!

I hope at least some of that was helpful and didn't scare you away from MLR.

Thank you, yes, that was extremely helpful!!