An angst-ridden confession

[Likonan]

Very personal post incoming

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/03/d ... ee-in.html

Yesterday, 20 minutes into reading the comments, I began to have that awful churning feeling down in the pit of my stomach. A couple of hours later, I suffered a complete emotional breakdown. I have been in a state of angst, worry, and possibly depression up to this minute, and I feel like this is the only way to ease it.

I have always been an emotionally fragile person, having his own personal burdens. Unfortunately, I have also never been an outgoing man, never feeling connected to other people that much. It's known to me, my family, and pretty much everyone who knows me that I have a different mindset than most people my age (I simply can not 100% relate to most things most relate to). And the times I've had my emotional turmoils, I keep them to myself and reason and discuss with myself on how to deal with it.

One thing that I strive to maintain in my life is stability. My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic and the Brony community helped create a stability for me. However, the fact that I am what I call a late-comer means that I could never appreciate the wonders of MLP before October, the month I joined the group. So when I saw that thread yesterday, I broke down and began dreading the future. What am I going to do once all this is over? Shall I have to bid farewell to Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and all those wonderful characters who've given me more solace than I'd have ever hoped for?? My dread and depression are coming up yet again as I am writing this. Pre-reading this post does not help either.

I feel as though after the third (or fourth) season (Or at whatever point in time MLP:FiM will end), all the characters will essentially die, the continuity will cease, everything just stops dead. Is my belief really true? What about the fandom? The art? The fanfiction, the animation, the music, everything? Is that canon, or just a "What-We-Would-Want"? Given how different this community is from any other I have seen or experienced, I don't know what to think... The fact that the MLP Studio and the Voice Actors also interact with us gives the creations that this fandom creates canonity?

Of course, there are always you wonderful guys. I've been much more assertive (obvious reference intended) and active, creating and working more than before, thanks to seeing what you guys, and all bronies, are capable of doing. After the show ends, will we all break apart? Will we no longer have a common thing that unites us all? Should I be left again to wander aimlessly (in a manner ridiculously similar to "Forever Alone" fashion), having lost a chance to contribute all that I can to a fandom whose show I have come to love dearly?

I would very much, greatly appreciate any comments or thoughts about this. Am I worrying about something that doesn't exist? Am I too pessimistic? Do I deserve a whack in the head? (Hah, even when depressed some humour exists.)

[bartekko]

Bronies won't die once mlp is over. There are people who don't want this fandom to end, and will do everything they can to keep this fandom alive (even if that's just not leaving bronydom)

If the show ever ends, the bronies will not. It's more about the community than the actual show. I, personally, feel more like a mlr/toastbeard user than a brony, and I am sure there's a lot more people who (more or less consciously) feel the same

[Doofcake]

It's more about the community than the actual show.

Very true, I even forgot about the new episode on Saturday because I was busy chatting with fellow bronies and making music.

[Freewave]

Yeah we got several years to go and even if the show eventually goes the community will not immediately shrivel up. Look at original star trek if you want to see a community live long an prosper after a cancellation. The show is The Hub's biggest cartoon i think so as long as they stay successful I think it will continue on the air. Don't worry so much. It might not last forever but it won't die out anytime soon.

[ChromaMonster]

IMHO its better if the show ends before going down too many seasons. I'd rather have the show end on a high note than degrade into trash like so many other series have.

On a more related note...


Whatever happens, the most important thing we take away from this are friends. And its those friends who matter in the long run of your life. So KEEP CALM and BRONY ON!

[Icky]

Why worry about the future? Just enjoy the ride and we'll see where we'll end up.

[the4thImpulse]

Is been said: when show dies the community won't, at least not for a long while. The way I see it is the show created this communit, you can say it taught us to love and tolerate more then we used to. That is a big part of this community and we dont need the show to keep going for 20 more seasons to keep teaching us that.

[Rainbowdutch]

Why worry about the future? Just enjoy the ride and we'll see where we'll end up.

My opinion is the same as icky the wise one

[Makkon]

Why worry about the future? Just enjoy the ride and we'll see where we'll end up.

This is right on the head. After all, there was just an episode about this, no?

[Freewave]

Yes there was and I come from the future to warn you that....

[bartekko]

Yes there was and I come from the future to warn you that....

...bronies will start making their own episodes as good as the studio b ones...

also, DONT yOU DARE HAVE MORE POSTS THAN ME, MISTER

[Navron]

Likonan, I feel like you are me posting about a year ago.

I've been in that state before, when everything feels bogged down, and it's hard to get the energy to get out of it. During this time, I too felt like I was in a mindset of my own, sometimes feeling as if I could see clearer than others, and sometimes the opposite.

A particular quote from Smashing Pumpkins' "Zero" particularly intrigued me while I was in this state:

"I'm in love with my sadness."

This period was very emotionally draining, but in a way, I was unable to part with my issues, because it gave me a power and drive, which in the state of not feeling like doing much, any motivation is good motivation, right?

So in a way, just like the Smashing Pumpkins quote, I was in "love" with my sadness. Love not being a particular affection for it, but rather an adjustment to it, to the point it helped give me focus.

If you feel like answering, here's my questions to you:
"Do you at times enjoy this feeling?"
"Does this feeling help give you motivation and focus to do things you normally wouldn't have the energy to do?"
"Would you rather feel like staying in an, "enlightened," mindset, or be like a normal person?"

Don't take offense to the last question. While going through this mindset, at many times I felt like I could grasp certain things other people around me weren't able to grasp, which eventually led me into a pseudo-enlightenment, which dragged me down into this mindset further.

How I got out of this mindset is a rather personal matter to me, but please PM me and I'll gladly share with you how I was able to overcome this obstacle.

Make no mistake, these are very common symptoms of depression, but if you're like me, and don't want to end up on prescription meds for the rest of your life, hopefully my experience may point you on the right path.

Also, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on any of this. I'm not a psychiatrist, nor do I plan to be one, but your post definitely struck way too many similarities to the situation I was in about a year ago.

[Vedrim]

Something to consider which a few others have already touched upon is that in many ways it's likely the community which provided you the actual human emotional support you needed, and not the show in and of itself. And even if a community dissolves for whatever reason, the people who made it up that you've become friends with still exist, and that won't stop just because the show that brought you together happens to end. While yes, thematically, MLP is about trust and friendship among other positive things, in the end it's ultimately just something which brought a group of like-minded people together, so while the fandom will never truly die so long as there are people out there to drive it there will always be other avenues to use to make new friends.

[Jimmy]

Fandoms very very rarely die.

I come from a large online community of Doom players, mappers and modders. There is new fan content generated for the game every day - you only have to spend a short while on the forums, looking at development sites and reading Doomers' blogs to see that that's the case. The community has been going strong since 1993 (although I joined it in 2006).

And if MLP:FiM has made half the cultural impact that Doom did (and I think it's safe to say it has), I don't foresee a community meltdown happening any time soon, or indeed ever.

[Stars In Autumn]

Think of it like this: The show and the fandom leads you to new friends. Even if the show ends, you'll still talk with all the people you met through the fandom.

Don't think of it as an end, think of it as a beginning </cliche>.

[Freewave]

Yes there was and I come from the future to warn you that....

...bronies will start making their own episodes as good as the studio b ones...

also, DONT yOU DARE HAVE MORE POSTS THAN ME, MISTER

It won't be long now, gimme another month and I should be on top man.

[aap998]

Seems that the show means a lot to you. maybe too much. the show won't help you like a psychologist would. In my opinion proffesional help is the best option. Also, I think clinging onto real life friends and family and asking them for support is much better than seeking refuge in an online fandom.

[bartekko]

Yes there was and I come from the future to warn you that....

...bronies will start making their own episodes as good as the studio b ones...

also, DONT yOU DARE HAVE MORE POSTS THAN ME, MISTER

It won't be long now, gimme another month and I should be on top man. :lol:

/me tagteams with I-Pie

[MiuMiuChuu]

Fandom will never ceased. Fandom conquers, fandom lives on, fandom prevails. They won't go anywhere. There's always someone willing to share the love and well, friendship in the community even the show itself has end. We can always reminisce the show, we can always appreciate it in any ways and you are always welcome in it. So don't worry about the fandom.

I would say your attachment to the show is some kind of a "survival" thing. You attached to the whole show because it's your getaway from something that's actually bothering you. I feel that you are unhappy about something in real life, it could be anything, and this show gives you sort of a "home" for you to settle in. The show ends, your home ceased. You have no place to live then, in a sense. You're afraid you won't have a place to comfort you from unhappiness that you face. Is this what you're feeling? If so then I just want to tell you that, it's not just you. Some people are worse in attaching themselves, sometimes to a further extent.

If you're feeling emotionally insecure about it, it's good that you talk to us. Or talk to someone you feel that you can really trust. It's a hard process of course, sometimes you just keep blaming yourself for being so depressed or "emotionally weak". It's always like that, but you can't just let it consume yourself. This thread it's a good start for you to confess what's bothering you.

For actual depression... I've been there as well. To be honest, I came to the point where they don't just diagnosed me for being depressed but also other things... It's a very hard process to go through it. It takes time (and money). I'm still trying to fight it actually. If you can access any free consultation or sharing session, try it. This is also a good start. It could be very hard at first but you need to keep trying and fight for it. Because yeah, what Navy Brony said, it's actually on the mindset.

Tl;dr: Fandom prevails! Likonan, ganbatte! (I don't know the proper term in English pffft)

[Likonan]

[I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense in this post. I don't really know how to reply well.]
Thank you so very, very, very much for your attention. I've calmed down considerably thanks to your replies. Thanks for getting some sense in that head of mine.

This is just the first time I've really come out with this matter.

I am very touched by your responses. Indeed the brony community has proven itself in my eyes to be among the best communities around. With such kind and supportive friends, I should not have presumed the worst. As Icky said, I'll just enjoy the ride.

Amusingly ironic that I felt this way immediately after Sunday's episode, as Makkon pointed out.

[Freewave]

.
DONT yOU DARE HAVE MORE POSTS THAN ME, MISTER

/me tagteams with I-Pie

too late for you bartekko, I-pie you and Makkon are next. Are your base are belong to ME! Ahahaha!