Codeum wrote:If I were boasting about it, I'd be shoving it down everyone's throats at every turn. I don't do that. it was one small sentence in a huge thread. its not boasting, it's stating a fact and moving on. my logic was that it is a credential that sets me apart from some random person that gives his opinion on your music. it's credibility. its a reason for people to say "that guy knows what he's doing" The music industry is a hard and cold business in which you need to sell yourself strongly and not just say "oh hey, my opinion matters because I think it does." That doesn't fly when you're trying to get work.
Alright, I think I have enough to go by, so prepare for wall-o-text.
First off, let's look at that sentence I bolded above, and put it with some context. From our point of view, here's a musician that came here recently, that, while produces good music, posted several examples of work to get more honest feedback (aka, a musician just like the rest of us that's still learning). Then later on this same musician that's asking for feedback basically states that they are more knowledgeable because they helped a popular musician.
Basically, it comes across as, "Hey guys, I need your help, but if you need help, ask me because I know more." It doesn't make much sense, and rubs off the wrong way.
In regards to your original situation with the facebook group, I think I've read enough of your former posts to help me visualize a good deal of how it all added up.
From just your posts here, the critique thread, the backstory, and the image, I can certainly see you do not take any form of negative criticism well. Which is why I am trying to put this in the least confronting way possible.
Deep down, I think you hold yourself to a low esteem, which leads you to take any form of criticism much harsher than another person, which is something I'm not a stranger to. You build up your esteem only to have the first negative comment crash it back down.
A couple other reasons why I think this may be the case:
- 1. People with lower self-esteem usually end up 2 ways. It either causes them to remain passive, for fear of a negative reaction, or they attempt to build themselves up higher by pointing out their strengths and why they are better in those areas.
- 2. People with low self-esteem generally end up telling falsehoods or overly stating whatever truths there are to the story. Not trying to be mean here, but for example:
"How many women tell you you're super cute. I get it all the time."
"I want to put the skills I used to make omnipony popular to better use now that he no longer wants my advice."
So for my last (and believe me, I'm trying to be the least confronting as I can) statement on the background matter, I think you possibly got a couple nice remarks from women, and I think you probably helped omni with...one or 2 things.
It's the same thing haters do, because a lot of haters have very low self-esteem, and try to belittle others to build themselves up. So when a hater says, "Get a life virgin," chances are the hater is a virgin, because people who actually get laid don't give a damn about proving it to others. On the other hand, generally anybody that replies to the classic, "virgin," insult defensively, are likely virgins too, otherwise 99% of YouTubers under the age of 15 get laid all the time.
Alright, harsh part over. Hope you're still with me.
I had a coworker who had this exact same type of personality, and all of the sudden one day, he snapped out of it, but it took a lot of effort, on his part.
If I were to offer one piece of solid advice on this matter, here it is:
Stop caring.
Don't give a crap about what other people say. Don't give a crap about what I say. Most importantly, don't give a crap about what your own esteem says, because when it comes to ourselves, we're our own worst critics, in every aspect of our lives.
Don't make yourself your own #1 enemy. Your #1 enemy is that little voice inside your head that takes what somebody else says, and turns it around to insult you with it.
So for example, if somebody told you, "Hey, your track is good, but I didn't like this section," that voice inside you is basically telling you, "Your song sucks," and you react defensively towards the commenter as if the commenter was the one insulting you. If you felt unsure about the section the commenter referred to, then those feelings of self-doubt magnify exponentially.
Basically what I am saying is, rather than react defensively in the example above, silence that voice in your head. Just ignore it completely, and ask the commenter what it was they didn't like about the section. Chances are you'll be surprised, and perhaps even learn something new in the process. That voice in your head though, will shun whatever the commenter says, and you likely won't learn whatever they have to say that will help you improve. You end up making the same mistakes in future works, and you end up receiving the same types of comments.
Sooner or later this cycle will just build and build until you've successfully wrecked every last ounce of worth you reserved for yourself, because after awhile of hearing the same comments, you begin to believe them as truths.
So silence that voice, don't hold yourself low, and take on the world.
There is nobody you have to prove yourself to, except to yourself.
