The hugging/venting thread

[Ed Viper]

Okay, I'm sorry for stealing your thunder, ACSII, but I have to get something off my chest.

It's not really bumming me out, but it's starting to affect my life in profoundly negative ways. I never cared much when I was younger and had few responsibilities, but nowadays it seems like every decision I make holds immense ramifications for the future.

I am a bit of a perfectionist. Not the good kind, either. I'm not sure if there's a different word for what my deal is, but perfectionism is the best word I can think of to describe it.

Basically, when I see something I want to try, I'll pick it up without a second thought, but if I'm not good at it the first time, I'll put it right back down, yet again without hesitation. This, coupled with my depression, has recently lead to some real problems I'm struggling with. Eventually I just stopped trying new things. Recently, I've just stopped trying. I'm having trouble in school, I can't find a job, I haven't touched music in weeks. I feel like my world is crumbling around me and I have no way to fix it.

The only thing that keeps me from doing nothing other than wallowing in depression is that my friends need someone to talk to about their problems sometimes and I really enjoy helping them solve their problems, but I feel like even that won't be enough for me at some point.

I just don't know what to do. I'm seriously at a loss here. I'm usually so good at helping other people with their problems but when I have something that needs to be taken care of, I'm clueless.

[topitmunkeydog]

There's no point if he's not making money off of it

Please don't say that. There is always a point! Do it for art's sake!

[Alycs]

Okay, I'm sorry for stealing your thunder, ASCII, but I have to get something off my chest.

It's not really bumming me out, but it's starting to affect my life in profoundly negative ways. I never cared much when I was younger and had few responsibilities, but nowadays it seems like every decision I make holds immense ramifications for the future.

I am a bit of a perfectionist. Not the good kind, either. I'm not sure if there's a different word for what my deal is, but perfectionism is the best word I can think of to describe it.

Basically, when I see something I want to try, I'll pick it up without a second thought, but if I'm not good at it the first time, I'll put it right back down, yet again without hesitation. This, coupled with my depression, has recently lead to some real problems I'm struggling with. Eventually I just stopped trying new things. Recently, I've just stopped trying. I'm having trouble in school, I can't find a job, I haven't touched music in weeks. I feel like my world is crumbling around me and I have no way to fix it.

The only thing that keeps me from doing nothing other than wallowing in depression is that my friends need someone to talk to about their problems sometimes and I really enjoy helping them solve their problems, but I feel like even that won't be enough for me at some point.

I just don't know what to do. I'm seriously at a loss here. I'm usually so good at helping other people with their problems but when I have something that needs to be taken care of, I'm clueless.

Okay, I know exactly where you're coming from. It really helps to help others, because by making them feel better, you can forget your own problems. By being able to help them through their struggles, you can abandon your own. I was the same way for the longest time (still am, to a point)

One thing I found that helps is to, as stupid as it sounds, just find something to do. Don't make it something you have to do, or even something you had any interest in before. Find something completely new and stick with it. If you can finish one project, it makes all the rest a lot easier. It can be something as simple as reading a book, writing a poem, making a new song; anything. Just go through with it, and make it something that will take you a while.

I suggest picking up a book series of some length (I don't know your tastes, but I'd recommend something in the line of "The Foundation Series", "The Ender Game Saga", or "A Song of Ice and Fire") and just read the whole thing front to back.

Trust me, I was exactly the same way; I didn't want to tell anyone that I was depressed or frustrated, and felt like everything I did was a failure. This really helps. Just find a nice long book, sit down when you have time, and start. You can put it down later, and then pick it up again. Its always there. When your done, pick up another. When thats done, branch out. Try Philosophy (Seriously, Plato is actually hilarious at points, half the discourses were given when Socrates was half drunk, try them out), History (Illiad, Odyssey, Aeneid; great books), anything. Just keep going.

It might not get rid of all the stress you feel, but it really really helps! Good Luck.

[Acsii]

There's no point if he's not making money off of it

Please don't say that. There is always a point! Do it for art's sake!

Plus there's no way I'm getting through to him... he's more stubborn than a rock

[Ed Viper]

Okay, I know exactly where you're coming from. It really helps to help others, because by making them feel better, you can forget your own problems. By being able to help them through their struggles, you can abandon your own. I was the same way for the longest time (still am, to a point)

One thing I found that helps is to, as stupid as it sounds, just find something to do. Don't make it something you have to do, or even something you had any interest in before. Find something completely new and stick with it. If you can finish one project, it makes all the rest a lot easier. It can be something as simple as reading a book, writing a poem, making a new song; anything. Just go through with it, and make it something that will take you a while.

I suggest picking up a book series of some length (I don't know your tastes, but I'd recommend something in the line of "The Foundation Series", "The Ender Game Saga", or "A Song of Ice and Fire") and just read the whole thing front to back.

Trust me, I was exactly the same way; I didn't want to tell anyone that I was depressed or frustrated, and felt like everything I did was a failure. This really helps. Just find a nice long book, sit down when you have time, and start. You can put it down later, and then pick it up again. Its always there. When your done, pick up another. When thats done, branch out. Try Philosophy (Seriously, Plato is actually hilarious at points, half the discourses were given when Socrates was half drunk, try them out), History (Illiad, Odyssey, Aeneid; great books), anything. Just keep going.

It might not get rid of all the stress you feel, but it really really helps! Good Luck.

Thank you for that. I've read quite a bit of Plato, due to the fact that I'm currently taking a philosophy course (and he certainly can be hilarious at times. The Apology was also an amazing read).

As for a long book series.... Perhaps I'll read Homestuck? I haven't been keeping up with it for quite a few months now...

I may just need a new hobby. Something that may take my mind away from the bullshit of life while I'm doing it. Just need to find something my dad won't be immediately disappointed in. Easier said than done. Challenge accepted. My mom used to work with stained glass, and she might have some supplies still laying around. Might be worth looking into.

Thanks again for the help.

On the subject of ACSII's issue:

That really sucks. Like, really really sucks. If he's not profiting off it, and you can't get through to him, then your best bet is probably to just forget about it and move on. There's only so much you can do in these kinds of situations. Besides, dwelling on this will hold you back from making new songs! We can't let that happen. No. Nein. Nix. Negative. Nuh-uh. That simply wouldn't do.

[itroitnyah]

I may just need a new hobby. Something that may take my mind away from the bullshit of life while I'm doing it. Just need to find something my dad won't be immediately disappointed in. Easier said than done. Challenge accepted. My mom used to work with stained glass, and she might have some supplies still laying around. Might be worth looking into.

Well if you've already put your time and money into it, why quit? Forget your dad, he's just trying to cling to fragments of his dreams and make you into who he wants you to be. A childhood that he ruined or didn't achieve. Sounds like horrible parenting to me. If he ruined his life by making silly mistakes, then it's his fault and he shouldn't try and make somebody else fulfill his dreams for him. He should be telling you about his mistakes and warn you to avoid making them, but allow you to do what you want. Or maybe I'm really wrong and there's some other reason as to why he disapproves of you making music.

Well, whichever way makes you happy. Good luck.

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

I never got parents who disapprove of their kids doing music, it's not like you become incapable of doing everything else the moment you touch a midi keyboard.

[Ed Viper]

I fear the day may never come when I understand why my dad does the things he does.

I don't know that I'll ever be able to really quit music, but for now, a break from it might do me some good. I dunno.

Thanks again for you guys' help.

[Acsii]

I don't think my mum will ever get it... She's too linear to ever get it...

[Pickslide1992]

I've had feelings where sometimes I'd want to throw in the towel in terms of music, but then something comes along and inspires me to write stuff. A muse if I may. In other words, music will never escape you completely.

[itroitnyah]

So uhh... The sump pump (the one thingy that keeps your house from flooding) broke today, and the basement pretty much flooded, which is where the computer is. So now my family will be forced to get new carpet for the basement anyways, and we may not be able to afford to go on vacation to Maine this summer. And now there are also big huge fans that are constantly on, so the entire lower level of the house is loud (although the noise is tolerable). I won't be able to work on music or go onto my main computer for the next few days, I think.

Luckily, the computer is OK, and none of my personal studio equipment has been damaged in this event, so I don't have to replace anything. Now it just comes to "Where will we put the computer while we wait for the basement to dry, and how long will it be before our basement gets re-carpeted and we can start using it again?

[Nine Volt]

So uhh... The sump pump (the one thingy that keeps your house from flooding) broke today, and the basement pretty much flooded, which is where the computer is. So now my family will be forced to get new carpet for the basement anyways, and we may not be able to afford to go on vacation to Maine this summer. And now there are also big huge fans that are constantly on, so the entire lower level of the house is loud (although the noise is tolerable). I won't be able to work on music or go onto my main computer for the next few days, I think.

That sucks. But why would you want to go to Maine? Just curious, there's nothing really to do up there, plus the water is ball-freezingly cold.

[itroitnyah]

My family does. My mom wants to go whale watching and stuff, and I guess there are some other tourist stuff to do up there. But don't worry about the water. I can just pee in it to warm it up

[Nine Volt]

My family does. My mom wants to go whale watching and stuff, and I guess there are some other tourist stuff to do up there. But don't worry about the water. I can just pee in it to warm it up

Portland is probably the most tourist-friendly city up there, also the largest. It's a nice little city, a bit confusing though. If you do go, have fun!
:3

[itroitnyah]

And Orange, lol

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

After 5 years, I've finally stopped enjoying drama. The process annoys me nowadays, learn these lines, go that way, do this, be that. It's frustrating, and now we're doing Stanisvlavski techniques, which means they're asking me to bring up old memories I'd prefer to leave in the past, so I can give a 'realistic performance'. Maybe at one point I thought it could be useful for my life, but now I know better, it's a waste of a classroom. Maybe 2 or 3 per class will continue with performaning arts past school anyway. But what bothers me is the realization that all that time spent learning how to act and all the terminology has been for nothing. I wasted 5 years of classtime on something that's legitimately useless, at least Algebra has its applications somewhere to actually do something.

And I have an assessment to do for drama next week, and my drive for acting is just gone and dead now.

And on top of that, one thing I honestly hate about myself is my inability to make choices that other people give me. Whatever part of me it is that knows what to choose seems to just go and hide when someone else gives me a choice. I just go blank, I lock up and I can't go either way on my own. My parents seem to have a tough time grasping this, because they put the kind of decisions I can't make on me a lot, and it's always deciding between a weekend at my mum's place or a weekend at my dad's place. So I have to decide between parents, which locks me right the fuck up, is a decision I have to make every other week.

So relating back to my first paragraph, I have a choice, leave drama or stay, and I can't decide.

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

So I'm kinda depressed today because of all this.

[ghelded_kultz]

Here's some questions to ask yourself about drama. Are you a better public speaker because of it? Are you more comfortable performing in front of people? Have you done any improv? Are you better able to think on your feet and adapt as things change? As a musician, and as a person in general, these are important skills that Drama can teach. You need to be able to present yourself well in job interviews (and other like things) even when you don't know all the answers. Life isn't all planned and being able to adapt and improvise will help a lot. You will have to speak in public at some point in your life, drama prepares you for that. My point is that even if you never use all the terminology and specific skills from drama ever again, it most likely wasn't a waste. Most classes are like that. I never plan on using calculus. I took the class anyway, and while the I might not use what was taught, what I learned as far as study habits, challenges and the likes, was important.

However, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't quit drama. I just want to point out that it isn't useless. As far as making choices, I have that problem too. But there is a point when you just have to push yourself to decision. Even if you regret it, there is something to be learned from it and it should help you in making future decisions.

Edit: But since your graduating in a few months (right?) you might as well stay.

[Pix31]

Renard-fucking-Queenstron, this guy is my greatest inspiration and yet I can't stand him. He is the only thing I can seem to draw inspiration from and yet if I try it destroys any motivation I have; and this has been a repeating cycle for me for the last four years. I get motivation but no idea what to do, try to find inspiration, somehow end up listening to his work, loss all motivation and sink into some form of depression out of it, which can take me days to break out of. It almost made me quick music all together once.
Only people who seem to get me out of it are my gf and my parents. I don't know, maybe this is all getting blown out of proportion and I'm just looking too closely at everything but all I know is I really fucking need a hug right now since my oh so wonderful Renard-complex is in full swing right now.

[vladnuke]

I get you man. I learned a long time ago that Renard literally does absolutely nothing except watch furry porn, play vintage video games, and make music, and he's gotten very good at all three of those. It's kinda hard to compete with him cause, ya know, he does this for a living.

I too have let his sultry fox technique influence my production, not to the point where I'd be style-biting, but enough to make a connection. I have spent money on (almost) all his albums, and not regretted it one bit.

If the man bothers you that much, maybe identify what about his production you admire, and try to emulate that, rather than focusing on his individual techniques. When analyzing an artist, don't miss the forest for the trees.

Hugs all around, I hope you solve your slump.

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

Here's some questions to ask yourself about drama. Are you a better public speaker because of it? Are you more comfortable performing in front of people? Have you done any improv? Are you better able to think on your feet and adapt as things change? As a musician, and as a person in general, these are important skills that Drama can teach. You need to be able to present yourself well in job interviews (and other like things) even when you don't know all the answers. Life isn't all planned and being able to adapt and improvise will help a lot. You will have to speak in public at some point in your life, drama prepares you for that. My point is that even if you never use all the terminology and specific skills from drama ever again, it most likely wasn't a waste. Most classes are like that. I never plan on using calculus. I took the class anyway, and while the I might not use what was taught, what I learned as far as study habits, challenges and the likes, was important.

However, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't quit drama. I just want to point out that it isn't useless. As far as making choices, I have that problem too. But there is a point when you just have to push yourself to decision. Even if you regret it, there is something to be learned from it and it should help you in making future decisions.

Edit: But since your graduating in a few months (right?) you might as well stay.

You do have a point, I'm a lot better at thinking things up on the spot and such. And I'm ontop of things now, so I think I'll just stay the course.

[Freewave]

I've had feelings where sometimes I'd want to throw in the towel in terms of music, but then something comes along and inspires me to write stuff. A muse if I may. In other words, music will never escape you completely.

Yeah its easy to get disapppointed with music making (a lot more work the benefit for each track lets be honest. But glad you too continue to find inspiration to keep going.

So uhh... The sump pump (the one thingy that keeps your house from flooding) broke today, and the basement pretty much flooded, which is where the computer is. So now my family will be forced to get new carpet for the basement anyways, and we may not be able to afford to go on vacation to Maine this summer. And now there are also big huge fans that are constantly on, so the entire lower level of the house is loud (although the noise is tolerable).

Damn. well i'm glad your pc survived but sorry this occurred. Hopefully that area gets dried and remodeled soon so you don't have to deal with those dank conditons. Gotta suck tho.

After 5 years, I've finally stopped enjoying drama. The process annoys me nowadays, learn these lines, go that way, do this, be that. It's frustrating, and now we're doing Stanisvlavski techniques, which means they're asking me to bring up old memories I'd prefer to leave in the past, so I can give a 'realistic performance'. Maybe at one point I thought it could be useful for my life, but now I know better, it's a waste of a classroom. Maybe 2 or 3 per class will continue with performaning arts past school anyway. But what bothers me is the realization that all that time spent learning how to act and all the terminology has been for nothing. I wasted 5 years of classtime on something that's legitimately useless, at least Algebra has its applications somewhere to actually do something.

I'm glad ghelded spoke up about the other aspects of drama that should pay off (speaking in public for example that will pay off in any job). Finish and get that degree and if you end up doing something unrelated then you still have a degree and you've taken a winding career path that a lot of people have also done. There's a LOT of people who graduate with a major in something and end up doing something different because they want to and because that degree allows them that choice.

Renard-fucking-Queenstron, this guy is my greatest inspiration and yet I can't stand him. He is the only thing I can seem to draw inspiration from and yet if I try it destroys any motivation I have; and this has been a repeating cycle for me for the last four years. I get motivation but no idea what to do, try to find inspiration, somehow end up listening to his work, loss all motivation and sink into some form of depression out of it, which can take me days to break out of. It almost made me quick music all together once.

I hate to see anyone want to stop listening to someone they idolize but at the same time if listening to him and trying to emulate him (and failing i'm assuming) is making you a wreck then try to break that cycle. Either start listening to other artists that might shed some light on additional techniques, stop listening and focus on your own music for awhile and give yourself the focus on what you CAN do, and look into the techniques themselves (youtube tutorials) rather than completed tracks that give you an idea oh how they are made. But if you find a destructive cycle in how you listen or make music find a way out of it, know yourself well enough to catch yourself doing it, and make a change from it.

***All my hugs guys***

[XXDarkShadow79XX]

FUCK! GOD DAMMIT I DIDN'T HAND IN MY ELECTIVE FORM TODAY! I WAS GONNA TAKE A MUSIC THEORY CLASS!

SHIT!

[Nine Volt]

FUCK! GOD DAMMIT I DIDN'T HAND IN MY ELECTIVE FORM TODAY! I WAS GONNA TAKE A MUSIC THEORY CLASS!

SHIT!

Shit, that reminds me, I need to choose my classes for Sophomore year.

As for my problems: I seem to disagree with everyone on everything. Magnitude Zero and Freewave and occasionally Makkon being the most common examples.

*hugs everyone including mag and freewave and makkon*

[Magnitude Zero]

FUCK! GOD DAMMIT I DIDN'T HAND IN MY ELECTIVE FORM TODAY! I WAS GONNA TAKE A MUSIC THEORY CLASS!

SHIT!

Shit, that reminds me, I need to choose my classes for Sophomore year.

As for my problems: I seem to disagree with everyone on everything. Magnitude Zero and Freewave and occasionally Makkon being the most common examples.

*hugs everyone including mag and freewave and makkon*

If I flip my shit at you it's because I hate your opinions, not you. <3