The hugging/venting thread

[North Kozar]

NavyBrony, there's no way I can fully relate to that, but I can understand your situation with people you've known for a long time suddenly changing. It's worse when there's that sort of "in-crowd" mentality (which it sounds like is part of the issue) that makes them become even more resilient to any sort of communication from you about the situation. So attempts to even talk about it are hitting against deaf ears (more or less). From which you're basically forced to watch, idly, as things fall apart, and it's can feel pretty painful not being able to do anything about it. And as little here as I can relate, I also know that stuff like that can completely turn around given time. Since I don't know about how these people are "changing" or in what way or rate it seems to be happening, I can't say anything specifically...

Basically, it just leaves you with the decision you're already at. One part to think about is if you see any sort of hope for a "turn around" in their behaviors. It's apparent you've already thought this through quite a bit and that it isn't a decision you'll make hastily. In my (not even near comparable) situation dealing with sudden changes in people, I made a rather hasty (but also not near the scope of yours) decision to play a passive role and ride things out. Which turned out for me to be a painful, slightly heart-wrenching ride of which I don't remember most of. Looking back on it all now (having moved on, made my peace and all) I feel like if I hadn't been so passive about it and tried to actively "remind" them (the people who were "changing") about what things were like and the reasons (not just for nostalgias sake) I might have been able to sway them, if not to "turn them around," at least make them realize what they were doing a bit. And if I hadn't been able to do that, it could have made me realize they were just changed and "moving on" so to speak, from which I could have done the same.
... But I've probably had some difficulty conveying my point through this. In any case, I wish you luck and clear vision in making your choice.

Reading your post also threw a lot of perspective on what was going to be my own vent, and instead gave me a chance to try and be helpful instead, so, awkwardly, thanks.

[Sinn Ick]

....
you have GOT to be s***ing me, after the work i put in, harmless decides to infect my tracks, beyond repair, now i have to start from scratch.

[ChromaMonster]

I feel bad for posting here when I'm still so wet behind the ears, but here goes anyway.

I can't help but feel really, really stretched thin, especially artistically speaking. I can't find enough time to fit all the work I have to do, and all the stuff I want to do in my life. Coupled with absolutely piss-poor time management, it makes a recipe for disaster. To give you an idea of my life, I get to bed at ~11:30pm on weekdays and wake up every morning at 5:30 for school. Weekends aren't that much different; I just shift my schedule a couple hours back. On average, I get around five to six hours of sleep, and frankly I don't think its doing me any good.

Compared to myself a few weeks in the past, I've been getting more cranky and intolerant of everything in general. The sardonic part of me is coming back, and I don't like it. Just the other day, a friend of mine told me he liked the old me better, apparently I was "nicer" back then. I'd like to thank him for that, for helping me realize I've got a serious problem. Trying to watch everything I say now, and think of the show every time I feel like being an asshole to someone.

On the topic of time management, I'd just like to begin by saying that I'm a horrible procrastinator. I get distracted easily when working, and can never get my priorities right. My mind's natural reaction to stress and deadlines is to just drop everything do whatever I want. Once or twice, its fine, but its happening so often that I can't get any work done, either personal or academic. Wait a week or two and everything comes back and slaps me in the face. And its only the beginning of the term. Its also driving my bedtimes later and later, hence vicious circle.

*phew* Man, it feels great to finally have that off my chest, thanks for having this thread! And I'm aware my problems are nothing compared to what some of you are going through, I feel so awkward posting this here.

On a lighter note, everything is getting better though, I'm exercising what minute amounts of self-control I have to at least finish everything at the last minute.

[Freewave]

Hey Chroma glad you're getting your time-management worked out as that's really instrumental in getting your life to work like clockwork or otherwise resemble a trashed room and having you pull out your hair. TBH 6 hrs isn't an awful amount of sleep but it really depends on your body clock and what you need to get by. But glad you had a chance to reflect on your attitude and correct it before it continued and effected the people around you.

[Navron]

@Chroma: If you're feeling stretched thin in an artistic sense, then perhaps this video may help you. It helped me a ton in regards to overcoming my creative barriers, but each artist is different, so it may or may not help get you going on the right track: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVQ8c19unnM

[LunchBagMusic]

What Navy Brony said.

But as well as that, keep in mind the video treats you as a full-time producer. Apply his methodology to your schoolwork and stuff, and then fit in your music/whatnot around it.

Sometimes, to get a job done, you may need to unplug your Internet.

[Navron]

Tip: Don't ever go on Skype while writing a song.

[TheSunAndTheRainfall]

Okay, I want to get something off my mind. I wouldn't say I need to vent; I'm only mildly upsey/worried about this (wow, isn't it sad that I'm not outraged or terrified, but just mildly upset?), but I still want to tell this to /somebody/.

So in case you're not already aware of this, there's some really wild stuff going on here in Mexico around drug cartels and drug dealing. Now, I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be able to say nothing serious has happened to me or anyone around me because of this. I mean, yeah, just like pretty much everyone who lives in this place, I've had to drive/walk by the occasional dead body hung from a bridge, heard the occasional shooting nearby, the usual. The most that my family has ever been through has been this time when a stray gunshot hit our car, and that one time when some guys in a pickup came in the middle of the night to drag some of our neighbors out of their apartment, yell at them for a while, and shoot them right outside the bedroom window (leaving everyone in the building freaked out for weeks). In spite of this, we're some of the ones running on better luck, so I can't really complain there.

Still, we managed to move out from that apartment in that kinda ugly part of town to this little, isolated, enclosed neighborhood in another corner of town. And it's been wonderful so far; it's super quiet and calm (half the houses aren't inhabited, most of them aren't even finished), and everyone knows each other here, and while not everyone gets along we get by alright. It's been like our personal security-issues-free little bubble, our safe haven where the evils of the world outside can't get in, and I've been ever so greatful to at least be able to find a little peace here.

Well now it's over. Turns out some alleged drug dealer was caught a few days ago, he tipped a bunch of locations off, and yesterday a bunch of FBI-equivalent (AFI) dudes completely tore down the big gate of our residential complex, went over to the house they were told they would find drug related stuff, and went in, guns blazing, to find two workers replacing floor tiles that were dislodged during last Tuesday's earthquake. The house was just an empty house available for sale (though a few newspapers claim that they actually found a variety of weapons, some cash and a bunch of dope). Then there was some kind of mess involving the local police, there was probably some paperwork involved, and now we're stuck with a police unit standing camp outside the house and a broken gate.

Now, there are a bunch of problems with this. The main thing that pisses me off is that though the AFI people tore down our gate, they're not making themselves responsible for it, so this means we have to clean their mess and shell out some cash to fix what they broke, and this pisses me off to no end, because none of this was our fault AT ALL, yet if nobody does anything about this, then our neighborhood is incredibly exposed, and we're not willing to run any risks.

Then, if the police actually did their jobs around here (I know the security systems in America and Canada work, at least a lot better than over here; over here you'd be more likely to trust an average joe than the police, and you'd be right to do so. I could rant about it for a while, but that's not what this is about), I'd probably feel safer with this unit staying here, but knowing that policemen are such wild cards over here, I only feel incredibly uneasy.

Let me put the example of that time I mentioned earlier, when my neighbors were killed. After they were shot, the guys from the pickup just hung around for a while. The police came, they argued for a while, but after a while everybody just rode with them. No shots were fired. Days after, it was reported that a bunch of policemen were reported to be on the run, linked to this incident. As an added note, the bodies of the neighbors were found about a month later, in another province/state/whatever you wanna call it. So really, that's just one reason why I don't trust these guys. I have no idea where their allegiance lies, who they report to, what they're watching for while they're here, and it freaks me out.

Now, these guys are posted here in the case the owners of the house, presumed drug dealers (but actually just a family with enough cash to buy terrains, build houses and sell them, everyone agrees that the actual drug dealers owned the house next to this one. I mean, come on, nobody gets a house, and drives in with two cars that each cost more than the house itself. Plus, the way they carried themselves... yeah. Still, one of them died about half a year back, and nobody has heard of them since) return. And just in case someone does come by, and something does go down, I'm terrified for my family, because this house is about twenty feet from ours. The possibilities... I don't even want to think about it. That's the thing that worries me.


The worst part? I'm not overwhelmed by any of these feelings. I'm not worried sick, nor so pissed off that I want to break something. It's not even surprising anymore. I fear I may have become desensitized from the constant exposure to the messed up things that happen around here. :/ It's sad. Yeah, now I remember why I wanted to leave the country.

Thanks for reading, you guys. c: It's really comforting to know there's someone out there who cares, it's just incredibly valuable to me. You're the best.

[LunchBagMusic]

I mean, yeah, just like pretty much everyone who lives in this place, I've had to drive/walk by the occasional dead body hung from a bridge, heard the occasional shooting nearby, the usual.

Holy. Shit.

Actually Holy Shit to everything you wrote.

I can't even begin to fathom living in a world where violence is normal.
I can't offer any advice, but you have my utter support. Completely.

[Sinn Ick]

Okay, I want to get something off my mind. I wouldn't say I need to vent; I'm only mildly upsey/worried about this (wow, isn't it sad that I'm not outraged or terrified, but just mildly upset?), but I still want to tell this to /somebody/.

Holly shit man. Best wishes from canada to you.

[Navron]

I won't lie. The situation with the drug cartels in Mexico is bad, and I wouldn't try to put any normalcy around it.

I've been in the military for 6 years, and have never seen a dead body, if that makes for any comparison. Nor have I ever had a stray bullet come close.

I can't really give any sort of personal recommendation other than doing the best to stay safe down there.

Are normal citizens allowed to own guns? Is there anything you can do or anywhere you can go if things go south in the neighborhood?

[Freewave]

This is extremely troubling as TSATR has been my closest friend on MLR and even now we're currently collaborating. While I've known all along that he's in Mexico and they have a torrid problems with drug cartels and police corruption I had hope that he had the means to stay clear of that but it sounds like this is htting VERY close to home and having the police a few doors down isn't any better than a drug dealer. Man I hope they vacate and you get your security back up as this sounds just like an awful situation.

Let me know if there's anything i can do or if you have to make any steps to vacate for awhile. As i said just stay safe and know we're here for you

[TheSunAndTheRainfall]

Holy. Shit.

Actually Holy Shit to everything you wrote.

I can't even begin to fathom living in a world where violence is normal.
I can't offer any advice, but you have my utter support. Completely.

Holly shit man. Best wishes from canada to you.

Thanks you so much you guys. Thank you.

I won't lie. The situation with the drug cartels in Mexico is bad, and I wouldn't try to put any normalcy around it.

I've been in the military for 6 years, and have never seen a dead body, if that makes for any comparison. Nor have I ever had a stray bullet come close.

I can't really give any sort of personal recommendation other than doing the best to stay safe down there.

Are normal citizens allowed to own guns? Is there anything you can do or anywhere you can go if things go south in the neighborhood?

Thank you. c:

Really, the best thing you can do to stay safe is not messing with anyone, not having any contact or connection with people who might be in shady businesses, and avoiding places renowned for being drug activity hotspots. We've been doing great in all those points so far, but there's still the being at the wrong place/time situations, like driving by when there's a shooting, or simply living somewhere and having drug activity move near you, which are completely unforeseeable, and could happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime. That is kind of what happened to us (back when we lived in the appartment and right now), and there's really not much you can do then except keeping your head low and hoping for the best.

And it's kind of funny; no, nobody is allowed to own guns here; it's punishable by the law. I'm sure they're dimeadozen; pretty much everyone who wants to own one can (black markets are a wonderful thing, I think?), but if you get caught with one, you're in for some serious trouble. The thing is, the people who actually use them for no good are the ones least likely to get caught, whereas normal folk like my family would get squeezed out of everything because it's easier for authorities to pin stuff on ordinary people. On the other hand, it's easy for criminals with good connections (both in the drug dealing business and among corrupt authorities) to get away scot free. So yeah, guns are out of the question here.

Let me know if there's anything i can do or if you have to make any steps to vacate for awhile. As i said just stay safe and know we're here for you

Thank you so much, man. Look, I'm not as worried about myself as I am for my parents. You know I'm staying in Mexico City for college during weekdays, and since this happened here in my hometown, I'm only at risk when I come back for the weekends, and during school breaks (got spring break coming up next week). My parents though, they're stuck here, and I'm especially worried about my mom; she's the one who spends most of the day at home. She's smart enough to stay out of this whole affair, but with this kind of thing, you never know what will come up next.

Fortunately, we had the gate repaired yesterday, so that's one less thing to worry about (although everyone's still pissed that the AFI won't take responsability for tearing it down. One of our neighbors is a lawyer, I think, and he's trying to make a case about it. It probably won't fly, just like every other case people try to make against authorities, but it's still worth a try). I'm also grateful that even though this was reported by the newspapers (and taken to the extreme. I just read the article and my gosh, the way they exaggerate things... jeez.), they didn't mention particular addresses, so hopefully that won't bring more unwanted attention to our little neighborhood.

Best case scenario, the police unit camps in the neighborhood for a couple of months, and then just leaves after confirming that this avenue of investigation is a dead end. Nothing else happens in between. Fingers crossed.


Again, I can't thank you all enough for listening. Thank you.

[Magnitude Zero]

I was pissed off about losing about an hour of work on a song after my computer overheated. Then I read this:

Okay, I want to get something off my mind. I wouldn't say I need to vent; I'm only mildly upsey/worried about this (wow, isn't it sad that I'm not outraged or terrified, but just mildly upset?), but I still want to tell this to /somebody/.

...

Holy shit, dude. I can't offer any advice, but I sincerely hope things turn out okay for you and your family.

[MiuMiuChuu]

Hugs everyone. Sorry for late replies.

@NavyBrony: I may can't fully relate to what's happening to you, but adapting to changes is a really tough experience. My support for you. Even if you need to haul your path, I hope the best for you.

@Chroma: The others make good suggestions for you. Follow them and see what suit you best. For my advice: try to list what you need or want to do just as a reminder, by then you can see which one comes out as a priority. It may not change your habit in an instant but at least it helps you to keep track slowly.

@AndTheRainfall: Whoa. That's screwed, man. Hugs and support for you and your family. I should say in Indonesia, we experience a similar condition. For our case, every woman, even if you wear all-covered attire, could get raped in the middle of the day on public transportation. Again, when you ride public transportation; the chance of you getting hypnotized and pickpocketed are very high. You can't walk alone after 8 PM because whether you can get robbed, raped, beaten up, or killed. And the authorities are as just as useless and corrupted as well. I pray for safety for you and your family.

[TheSunAndTheRainfall]

@ Blind: thanks a bunch, man.


@ Miu: I'm sad to hear you have it so bad in your country. My god, I can't imagine how terrible it must be to walk out and know you're in harm's way every minute of your day. :c You have my sympathies, stay safe yourself, and thanks.

[LunchBagMusic]

Miu: That's horrible. Completely horrible.

With the amount of hate I have for the world right now, I'm so glad there are ponies.

[ChromaMonster]

@AndTheRainfall Man, I can't even begin to imagine what its like to be living there. Its hard to believe there are places in such abject condition when all your friends lived safe for most of their lives. I won't insult you by pretending I know what you're going through right now, but I wish you the best of luck, and hugs all the way. My problems can't hold a candle to yours.


@Navybrony That video may have been meant for full time producers, but its content applies to everyone, even non-artists simply coping with everyday life. Thanks for that! Watching all 40 minutes of it gave me some fresh ideas on life. And you're totally correct on that Skype thing. Guilty as charged.


@LunchBag Ironically I finish more work when my internet was down the other day.

[Codeum]

I've got some heavy demons in my head right now.


I've been listening to my older compositions again, remembering all the crap I was going through at the time of each track I've made. Things have changed so much. Some of it was for the better, but it feels like even more of the changes made things worse.

I used to compose these brilliant tracks with a really focused attention to compositional details, and only having a sub par mix. I wrote music back then because it kept me sane. It kept both of my feet on the ground. It kept me healthy and alive. I could go through hell and back every day in school, crying my eyes out on the bus. As long as I could come back to my PC and piano at the end of the day, it didn't matter. All the beauty I had witnessed in the world was in my music. I couldn't find it anywhere else given my position. I was content. Sure, even back then it would have been nice to be noticed, and my dad was always trying to get me to sell my music, but when it came right down to it, all I wanted to do was compose, to improve, to take things out of my head and put them in my music.

It's been different now since I made flutterstep though. 16,000 youtube views one a video does strange things to a humble musician. I had subconsciously decided that from then on I needed to make everything pony. I needed to be noticed. I needed my name out there. event after event strengthened that subconscious need to watch that view count go up. Money got really really tight first, so I got the idea in my head that I needed a youtube partnership. I figured a few extra dollars for uploading my music would help. Then, I uploaded a non pony track, one of my best compositions, and It still doesn't have more than 300 views. Nobody cares about my original tracks that have nothing to do with mlp. I need to make everything pony. Then, I found out that the 14 year old I had done my best to train in the art of compositions and mixing had become huge in the fandom seemingly overnight. It instilled rage in me. I couldn't live with myself knowing that "fame" was at my fingertips, but always a stitch away. I couldn't stand the idea that this kid got somewhere because of me while I was left in the dark. I've been forcing these pony vocal samples into track after track, desperately trying to claw my way out of the dark.

Then I started to recognize all these other artists that had taken advantage of the fandom and risen to "popularity" as threats. I've become withdrawn, bitter and frustrated. I've come to the point where forcing these vocal samples into my music has become as futile as a dry heaving cat, who thinks there's a furball in his throat. Maybe I just need a break from music. I don't know though. It will take a while for me to stop trying to force out generic bullshit, especially since it's embedded in my psyche now. It would be easier to take a break from music if I had something else productive to do. Maybe a girlfriend will help. hah fat chance that will happen. I'm not great at getting along with my own species.

I guess the whole point of this huge wall of text is that something needs to change. If things continue the way they are going, the very thing that kept me sane back in my home town all that time ago will become my undoing.

[Freewave]

I know we came down kind of hard on you in your intro thread (and some of that really is warranted by your comments tbh) but we really do want you to recognize that coming at making music for a way to profit or become famous is somewhat a selfish exercise that will really bring badwill in yourself and how you approach music. I've worked and seen some artists start when i started (Aviators + Tei the Pony for example) go on to become really big deals in the brony community while i struggle to get close to 200 subscriptions on my ytube. Really these guys are great at what they do and they fit a need in the community so its important to wish your peers well and not feel resentment or jealousy towards people who are making all the right decisions. We all wish we could be heard by more but that popularity will come at costs and its important to not make music for those reasons as then you will never feel satisfied if other people don't respond how you'd like them to. Just continue to improve and make music for good reasons and because YOU enjoy the music and you'll get more satisfaction from it (i hope).

A break or a change of attitude will do wonders for you i think. Loving making music w/o expectations attached also could help. Also hanging out with the community may do the trick to see how alike everyone feels so much of the time.

I will say that when I see top tier brony artists who only subscribe to other top tier artists and have loads of followers but few smaller artists they follow it really creates a sad state for the community. But its up for those who struggle harder with "less talent (as some might say)" to persevere and improve. Do not give up and work with other artists in the same situation rather than try to kiss the arses of the elite or desperately try to join them. I'm sure they could tell you of how lonely it is at the top and the pressures and expectations of that fame but they really don't hang out on this site to express that. Most of us that hang in MLR are in the same boat and that's really not that much of a terrible thing really.

It's important to remember that this community revolves around the show and that show really couldn't be more sweet, ethical, and wholesome. It's important not to forget about what we're supposed to be liking about the show and making music about it. It's sad that a great show can sometimes create such drama in the community that surrounds it but that's not its fault, that's ours. Try not to forget that.

[colortwelve]

Sometimes, as now, it occurs to me to wonder how terrible a person I have really become.

No matter which way you slice it, it comes down to my father, but it's my role in it all that I remain a little hazy on.

On one hand, he's partially the reason that my life is so great now. He's the one who met my current stepmother, packed up and moved with me here to California, helped get me into the amazing school I currently attend, and beyond that did all sorts of little, less important (but still pretty awesome - like the Iron Maiden concert) things that just sort of boosted my sanity levels for a time.

But at some point everything in his world went to hell. To me and the rest of my new family, it looked like he had completely lost it - he blamed it on his apparently violent incompatibility with my stepmother, with whom he had been the sappiest person imaginable when we first moved here. I can't recall the exact count of nights when my stepsiblings were away for the day and I was left alone and constantly turning up my music to avoid hearing my dad yell at my stepmom; but no matter how far away they were, their room, the garage, the backyard, I always heard traces of it. This shouldn't have been anything new to me - though I don't recall it as well, similar things saw the end of his marriage with my biological mother, and when she remarried while I was living with her, I occasionally overheard more than heated conversations. But everyone who remembered such chapters of my past seemed to agree that this time, he had truly lost it, which I believed when my stepbrother finally got pissed off to the point that he raged on a level I have never seen before or since just to make my dad back off.

Of course, this had only one inevitable conclusion - he was leaving. Back to BFE, Midwest. But then came more drama. The problem was that my dad wanted me to return with him, and I remained adamant that I had never lived such a fulfilling life as I was in California - I had never had so many friends, I had never had teachers who cared about me as something other than a means of getting paid, I had never had siblings who were so easy to live with. I remained adamant that I was staying, and he was leaving. He fought it for months leading up to his departure, and only a few weeks before he did leave did he finally announce to me that he had decided to relent, yet in such a defeated manner that he had to repeat himself while my coffee wasn't absorbing too much of my attention.

And so it was. Though he dragged me with him back to Iowa for Christmas, my flight back saw me feeling better than I had in almost half a year, since the whole thing had started. I actually danced in the airport when I had gone beyond his line of sight. Nothing could have felt better - our family was down one psychopath (which had only recently been reinforced by his nonstop phone calls to friends and family on the way back to his home to vent about what a horrible person my stepmom was - none of it was true), and I got to stay in my new home with my new family.

It didn't last in the capacity I had hoped. For almost the full year afterwards, he called me more frequently than anyone ever should. And it was to talk about nothing - sometimes I wonder if it was the sound of my voice was what was keeping him where he was in terms of relative sanity. But nevertheless, this went on for almost a year, before I finally decided I had had enough of him.

(The story is actually a funny one - I was making a post on Facebook about the Cupcakes comic by Pinkanon, and he called me in a rage about me cursing in it. As a part of his downward spiral, he had become ultra-religious again, and he defined 'god damn' as cursing - he even recited some Commandment or other for me. Well, I decided that this was it. After he tried to reconcile his rage with a notice that he had ordered my Christmas present and hung up, I blocked him on FB, removed his number from my phone book, and changed my every password to one hie didn't know. The best part is that because of that, I was down one Christmas present, and I doubt he'll be getting me anything in a month for my birthday either. But at this point I've run out of fucks to give him, so I guess that'll make us even.)

But now, to the part of this that actually gets to me sometimes. When I think about him, I realize how sad his life is - two failed marriages, neither of his sons live with him, he lives in his parents' basement while he's searching for a job (ever since he lost his job just before moving to CA, he's been unable to hold one down), and who knows what else that I haven't heard since last november - and wonder how big a role I've played in it. I realize I can't take responsibility for his failings, but I feel like my abandonment of him has only worsened his mental and emotional state. The worst part is that it's either me or him. Either I let him pour his madness down my ear, or let it ferment in his own head.

It's really quite sad now that I think about it. I would cry, if I were still able to. But for some reason something oddly good has come out of this - I don't know why, but I am even more irrepressible now than I ever have been. I wonder if this whole useless drama only made me incapable of seeing the darker side of the human experience as it really is. I laughed at the Kony parodies. I cheer trolls on. I relish anything and everything that serves my axiom of 'everything is funny.'

But does that make me a bad person?

[LunchBagMusic]

12, I get you.

I've never had any sort of family drama like that; I can't imagine what its like.

You're not a bad person. You're a good person who made bad decisions.

The fact that you can recognise when you might be hurting someone and feel regret is proof of that.

It's really quite sad now that I think about it. I would cry, if I were still able to. But for some reason something oddly good has come out of this - I don't know why, but I am even more irrepressible now than I ever have been. I wonder if this whole useless drama only made me incapable of seeing the darker side of the human experience as it really is. I laughed at the Kony parodies. I cheer trolls on. I relish anything and everything that serves my axiom of 'everything is funny.'

I totally understand what you mean. I used to be a great fan of trolls, but then I realised: These are people who have nothing better to do with their lives but cause hate. Instead of spending time with their friends or being creative/productive, they wish to make people angry. I'm not OK with this.

So I starting hating on the trolls. Don't feed the parasprites.

I think the axiom of "Everything is Funny" is an interesting one. There are parts of the world that are truly incredible and wonderful things (See: Bronies), but if you look back through this thread you'll see the worst of it. Finding humour is important, life would be worthless without laughter. But some things you can't laugh at. Kony parodies are OK, I think, because the Invisible Children Campaign was blown right out of the water. But you need to think. Apply the morals you have shown here to your everyday life, and especially on the internet.


As for your dad, think about what her did. He wanted you to leave your good life behind, with your step-mum and step-siblings, good school and whatnot, to go back to CA. He wanted you to sacrifice everything for him. He's your father. It's his job to make sure that when you turn 18 (or 21 in the states, I think) your a good, proper human being. You don't look after him.

That said, you should still care for him.

Perhaps wait a while before you try to contact him. Who knows? He might even contact you. Give him time to sort out his personal demons, and to stabilise himself. He might be a better person then.

[Pickslide1992]

I'm really beginning to hate my parents in a way. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I hate their attitudes. For my mom, she's generally good but can be melodramatic and sometimes overindulges with beer while my dad has a hair-trigger temper. Both are good generally, but I have to act as a punching bag for the both of them. I already have enough stresses in my life (School, puppies, music, etc), I don't need this. Thing is, I have an anxiety disorder where if I have too much to handle, I snap, either in anger or a nervous breakdown, trembling, screaming, you name it. I'm beginning to think I'm a mental case because of it.

[TheSunAndTheRainfall]

@ Codeum: I'm happy to hear you've stepped back and looked at the bigger picture. I hope you'll be able to follow a path that will leave you happier and more fulfilled. Don't give up; ever. Just keep doing your think, and love it. Good things will come out of that.


@colortwelve: You've had to put up with some really hard times; I can't really blame you for not caring anymore. The fact that you can still feel some empathy for your dad is admirable, but there are times when no matter how hard you try to help, a toxic person will continue to drag you down, and you have to let go. It's okay to let go. Sure, you could try to sugar coat it for him, and try to make him see things from your perspective, and it's still going to feel bad when you think about how rough his life has become, but there will always be things that will be beyond your capabilities, and helping your dad is one of them. Opting out of this situation doesn't make you a bad person, just someone who knows what he needs to do to take care of himself.

As for the 'everything is funny' axiom... yeah, I don't agree with that. But I won't preach to you, that's a thing that's entirely up to you.

Best of luck finding some peace in this turmoil. *hugs*


@ Pickslide: I can more or less relate to that, although to an admittedly less extreme degree. :c Have you considered seeking out professional help? Or have you already tried some of that, but it didn't quite work out? Anything that could help you manage your anxiety disorder sounds like it would be of incredible help; that's just no way to live. Lord knows it can wreck so many areas in your life... hope you'll be able to find a way around it. *hugs*

[Pickslide1992]

I tried professional help, and it didn't help. The guy pretty much just abandoned hope when he saw me and said I'm destined to either go to jail or a mental hospital. I'm actually quite depressed ATM, where I don't think even ponies will help me. I'd listen to some brony musicians but then feel jealous that I'll never be as good as them.